Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Queen Bitty addresses her people
My dear loyal subjects of the Pond:
It has come to my attention that you have not been paying attention to my decrees. Since I am a generous and forgiving queen (sometimes), I will repeat my instructions.
Do you like my new crown? The Blond Duck's mother made it for me. She is one of my most loyal and dedicated servants. I shall allow her to carry me around and make me a pink velvet cape with rhinestones.
Bear can't have a crown. He's not cute enough. I'm the Queen here, people!
You can even see it shimmering from far away. Am I not cute? I'm the cutest Queen there ever was!
Now for my laws:
1) All chew sticks being nibbled on by other dogs in the Pond (Bear) must immediately be given to me. I may not chew on them. I may not look at them. I probably don't even want them. But I must have them. Why? Because I'm the Queen!
2) I tire of walking all the time. I require the Blond Duck to quit her job and carry me to interesting smells all over the city. I refuse to get my paws or nose wet.
3) The Blond Duck is required to give me her dinner. She can eat mine.
4) Ben must let me sleep on his soft belly every night. Bear is not allowed anywhere near me during this time. He smells and wuffles and snorts.
5) I require five new toys every day. I may not play with them. I may not chew on them. I may even rub my butt on them in disdain. But I still want new toys. I require amusement at all times.
6) You there. Invisible Friend. Yes, you. The one that cooks. Make me a cake. A delicious cake just for me. I want it to be pink. With sprinkles. And cheese. I love cheese. What are you staring at? Start baking!
7) From now on, all subjects must pay me in treats to adore me from afar. I'm so worth it.
8) I refuse to let the Blond Duck give me baths anymore. I despise being wet and scraggly like some over sized gerbil. If she wants a bath, she can take her own.
9) All bacon is property of Queen Bitty. Any subject caught eating it without sharing is subject to death by licking.
10) Fear me.
That is all.
-Queen Bitty of the Pond