Friday, September 08, 2006

Lost

Men always joke that when their male friends get married, it's like they die and disappear. The once fun buddy is now a stressed, hardworking dad-to-be worried about mortgages and college funds. They don't have time for bar trips and weekly poker games. They barely have time to breathe.

Women are generally better at keeping their friendships fresh. Even 3000 miles away, they'll call each other on a semi-weekly basis just to check in. While I'm not quite to the semi-weekly, I do make an effort to check in often, particularly with my college friends in other cities.

A friend of mine just got married, and I honestly feel like part of me has died. She had the typical big, white extravagant wedding. She was my best friend through high school and college. When she first asked me to be her maid of honor, I was thrilled. After months after dress fittings, demands and pleas to come to Austin, I was sick of it. Still, I kept a smile on my face even when I was enraged inside. I honestly still deeply cared for her.

As the demands grew, I slowly began to feel like she didn't care about me at all. After her relaxed attitude toward my wedding, I was hurt. I felt like I'd been jipped and she still had me on a leash. Still, I kept smiling. After all, I cared about her.

Even after her wedding, I still cared for her. The wedding where I ran ragged from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. The wedding where I did three people's make-up, helped the house party fix up the reception and be the photographers and the bride's errand girl. I was there with kleenexes for snotty noses, sprites for thirsty lips and knew every inch of her makeup and honeymoon bag intimately. She barely spoke to me at the reception. I sat on the stairs of the stage where the house party was doling out cake, feeling as though a part of me had died. I felt like I barely knew her at all, and didn't know who she had become.

"It's just excitement," I told myself, heaving in the blue stays of the tight dress. "She's just busy greeting people, that's all."

I got my answer tonight. After sending her an email to collect my tiara she borrowed and see how her new married life was going, she sent me a short reply back. She would drop off my tiara, and was so busy in her new married life she didn't have any time! She had to run- dinners to cook, dishes to clean. So good to hear from me though- just so busy, so busy.

I sat back and felt the realization hit me. She was gone. The girl I knew was gone, and had been replaced. And whether I liked or disliked the girl she had become, she was forever changed in an instant. And honestly- I'm not sure if the New Her really likes me much. Maybe not even a bit. Maybe not even at all.

3 comments:

Mama K said...

Who knows why people act the way they do? Some do not handle change well while others are oblivious to other's feelings. We, who carry out hearts on our sleeves, seem to feel and hurt a bit more deeply. We can either let it weigh us down or we can observe it, file it away and learn from it. But, we must never let it diminish our capacity for trusting and loving. That is what makes YOU so special. You see worth and wonderment in everything. I love you

The Blonde Duck said...

I love you too! You're such a delightful woman, Mama K!

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