Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Goofier than a Road Lizard

I pulled out of the garage in a hurry. I was on my way to a job interview or some kind of appointment, and I had worked myself into a frenzy. As usual, I was late. Halfway down the driveway, I realized I forgot something in the house. Putting the car into park, I hurried into the house and turned off the screeching security system. Grabbing what I needed, I rushed out the door, impatiently locking it and flipping on the obnoxious beeping. As I flew toward my car door, a flash of green stopped me dead in my tracks.

Crawling down our garage wall was a bright green gecko. He looked at me suspiciously, acting like he never existed. He clung to the edge of the wall, tiny tummy expanding and contracting quickly.

Forgetting my rush, I walked over to him. His shoulder twitched slightly. Otherwise, he remained perfectly still.

"The giant doesn't see me," he thought to himself. "If I just stay still, she won't see me. Her vision is based on movement."

"Hello, Lizard!" I cried, oblivious as usual. "How are you today?"

"Oh my God- it's talking to itself. It's head is bobbing up and down like a monkey. Those things around it's face are shaking. They look like when a crickets legs shake. They look yummy. Wait- be still, be stealth. You still haven't moved, so she hasn't seen you yet."

"You're a cute little lizard!" I squealed, waving at it. "We had a lizard in Waco that lived in Ben's garage named Fred. Then in Austin, I had a leopard gecko named Duckie. I shall call you- Henry! Henry the lizard!"

"This giant is off her rocker. She's shouting things and shaking with a strange noise coming out of her mouth. I guess she's laughing. But what at? Herself? Are all giants this mad? I hope she doesn't see me. My feet are tired. What is this Henry she keeps bellowing? That's a dreadful word. Henry. Bleah."

I glanced at my watch and cursed. "Oh lord, I'm going to be late!" I said. I ran to my car and jumped in, speeding down the driveway.

Henry sat on the wall, watching as I sped away.

"Finally she's gone! I thought she'd never leave! Now I can go into the cement forest- what's this? She closed the gate! She closed the gate to the cement forest! I waited all morning for the gate to open- and now it's closed! Stupid giant. All that bobbling made the gate close."

With that, Henry prepared to wait for the gate to reopen again. T his time, he enjoyed the comfort of the holly bush below. He munched on ants and small bugs as he waited. Soon, he'd be inside the cement forest. What a treat it would be!

*** Henry the lizard recently learned the cement forest is poisoned. He declined his journey and is making other travel plans. All inquiries should be directed to the Blonde Duck.