Saturday, October 07, 2006

Happy Birthday Danielle

The one thing I've always worried about, and never really said anything, was that I'm a crappy sister.

When it comes to being a big sister, I'm worried I gave my little sister the short end of the stick. While I'll go to all ends to make my parents and husband happy, I worry that she gets left out. Growing up, she adored me. My name was her first word. She followed me everywhere. She always wanted to play, to talk, to do anything.

My response was always the same: "Go away. You're bothering me."

In Brad Paisley's video "The World", the big sister is mean to her little sister. She calls her a twerp and tells her no one likes her. The little sister is crushed. It's too much of a mirror for me to watch.

I'll admit, I wasn't the greatest big sister. I was mean and cranky. Selfish and impatient, I didn't want to play a lot of the time. I was prickly, lofty and way too important to deal with my little sister and her problems. She was so juvenile, and I was obviously more important. I had my own grown up issues and was obviously too busy to listen to her problems.

The worst part of all of it was that she stayed completely loyal to me.

No matter what I did, she would have taken the shirt off her back to make me happy. She was so generous and giving, and it was all about me. Her heart was so open and so full of love that it made me ashamed. I envied the way she could go up and ask for hugs and crawl into my Mom's lap for kisses. My jaw dropped when she would hug my dad and tell him she loved him while I stood there stiffly. She easily told me she loved me and I would mumble a response. I desperately wanted to love the way she did. Sure, I can be like that with my husband- but I wish I could be more affectionate with my family.

Even though we missed her 18th birthday party in Shreveport, she never gave me a bit of guilt. She was fiercely protective of me during my wedding, and stayed by my side the whole time. If she hadn't spent hours searching for things, stuffing rice bags, and tying ribbons- I wouldn't have had a wedding. What amazed me was she never once boasted about her work- she never even asked for a thank you.

I think I'll thank her now. Thanks Danielle, for teaching me how to be more open with my feelings. You've slowly been showing me how to love more. I love you.

Happy Birthday!