Monday, December 31, 2007

It sucks

The spider was minding his own business when the rude blond girl with the loud vacuum hose interrupted his lunch. He was dining on Fly a' la Mode when he found himself flying off the ground. Flinging webs from his hands like a demented superhero, he hung on to his corner behind the Large Brown Pot.

"Pardon me!" he bellowed indignantly to the blond girl. She was gazing off into the distance, mindlessly vacuuming behind the Large Brown Pot. His Large Brown Pot. His home.

"Excuse me!" he yelled, raising his tone. He clutched tighter to his webs, gritting his teeth as the suction from the vacuum wavered slightly, than pulled him harder. The blond girl was in a daze, mindlessly moving the attachment back and forth. The spider was exhausted from trying to hold on.

"Look here!" the spider yelled as loudly as he could. "I'm trying to enjoy my lunch, and you've rudely come in here and vacated me from my home. I've been living here for months without any problems. I find this quite annoying and rude!"

The blond girl looked down and gasped. "Ew!" she cried. "A spider!" She moved the vacuum attachment closer to the spider. The spider grunted and shot out for more spider webs, holding on for dear life.

"I'm-not-moving!" he bellowed. "I just want to eat! What would you do if I just sucked up your food? You'd be furious! Well, I'm MAD!"

"Ew ew ew ew ew!" the girl squeaked, holding the vacuum to the spider's head. The spider was jerked into the vacuum, the webs torn from his fingers. Cursing her name, he was sucked down into a dark tube and into a paper prison. He could barely see. Scuttling about, all he could see in the dim light was dust and dirt.

"God, how much hair is in here?" he grunted, picking a long blond hair that had wrapped around his leg. He flung it to the side and crawled away, grumbling to himself. "Stupid girl sucked up my lunch. I'll never find it in here."

The spider crawled along the fuzzy graveyard, grimacing at all the dead insects. He sniffed at a few, than withdrew. They were no good to him. Strands of blond and black hair hung from the bag like old party streamers. Every step he took sent a puff of dust and lint floating in the air. The spider peered off into the distance. Was that.... Could it be? He hurried forward. It was! It was his lunch! The spider sat happily and finished his lunch, listening to the dull roar of the vacuum around him.

Another insect came flying down the tube and landed a few feet from the spider. He sat dazed for a moment, than sat up.

"Excuse me?" the insect asked politely. "Have you seen my lunch?"

The spider swallowed the rest of his and shook his head. "Nope," he answered. "I'm sure it'll turn up. I eventually found mine."

The other insect nodded and looked around. "So I guess we're stuck here, huh?" he said gloomily. "That sucks."

"Literally," the spider joked. The insect laughed. He and the spider looked at each other and smiled. They wondered off into the fuzzy distance, looking for other bugs to eat. After all, if you have to be stuck in a vacuum bag, at least you should have a friend, the spider reasoned.

And if all else fails, he thought to himself, there's always lunch.