Monday, December 17, 2007

Classic movie star

"Excuse me!" a perturbed reindeer snapped. "Excuse me!"

I stopped on my path from Ben's office to the kitchen and stared. Rudolph, the classic star from the Christmas stop-animation movie, was glaring at me angrily.

"Yes?" I asked warily, trying to figure out why a reindeer was on my couch. And not just any reindeer--a movie star reindeer.

"Do you know who I am?" the reindeer snarled. "Do you know who I am?"

"You're Rudolph," I replied cheerfully.

"Right," Rudolph sneered. "So why am I receiving such dreadful service?"

"Aren't you supposed to be all good and helpful?" I asked. "Shouldn't you be at the North Pole?"

"Listen, sugar, I only work one day a year," Rudolph sniffed, shining his red nose at me. "With a nose like this, I'll strain myself if I work more."

"Right," I said, rolling my eyes. I continued on into the kitchen and began straightening up. I looked up to see Rudolph gaping at me.

"What?" I asked in exasperation. "What is it?"

"Am I invisible?" Rudolph snapped. "Are you blind?"

"Are you annoying?" I mimicked under my breath. "What's your problem?"

"My problem is I've been here two days and no one has brought me hot cocoa," Rudolph whined, his red nose glowing. "I haven't had cocoa and cookies in days!"

"You never asked for cocoa and cookies," I pointed out.

"Oh," Rudolph said thoughtfully, his nose dimming. "I suppose I didn't."

I looked at him expectantly. Sighing, he rolled his eyes. "May I please have some hot cocoa and cookies?"

"I don't have cookies," I said, trying not to lose patience with the TV character on my couch. "What else would you want?"

"What do you have?" Rudolph replied sulkily.

"Biscuits, dinner rolls, tortillas, toaster strudels..." I listed off my fingers.

"I'll take some biscuits please," Rudolph replied haughtily. Trying not to smile, I heated up some cocoa and biscuits and gave them to Rudolph on a plate. He ate them delicately, his red nose glowing with happiness.

"Thank you," he replied as he picked up his plate. "I'll require some more in two hours."

"Two hours?" I turned around in shock. "How can you eat so much?"

Rudolph looked at me arrogantly. "I have to fly to every house in the world in one night," he said, settling on the couch and looking pointedly at the remote. "I must use my nose to light Santa's path in rain, sleet and snow. I must lead a team of reindeer through tough winds, foggy conditions and over oceans that never end. I need energy."

Rolling my eyes, I handed him the remote where he began watching the ABC Family network.

"You know, the Grinch really isn't that bad," he said as I fluttered around doing chores. "Jack Frost is the mean one."

As he sucked down enough cocoa to float to England and emptied my fridge of biscuits, a red glow filled my home. For the next nine days, Rudolph will be a permanent fixture on my couch. Let's hope the grocery store stocked up on biscuits.