Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The GLUG stops by for Christmas

Tired and hungry, Ben hopped into his car on Christmas Eve. He was going to his Dad's restaurant for some breakfast. He turned the ignition and began to back down the driveway. Suddenly, a green speck smacked the windshield with the force of a tennis ball. Ben slammed on his brakes in panic.

"HELLO!!" a familiar voice bellowed. "Did you miss me?" Ben stared angrily at the beaming GLUG on his windshield.

"What are you doing here?" Ben snapped. "Don't you live in San Antonio? Why'd you follow me to Shreveport?"

"Who says it's all about you?" the GLUG said airily. Ben looked at him wryly.

"Well, fine, it's about you," the GLUG admitted. "You see, I'm here to make sure you have a good Christmas."

"I'd have a much better one if you would go away,"Ben muttered. "I'm hungry. You're holding up my breakfast."

"See, that's your problem," the GLUG said. He wandered down to the windshield wipers and plucked some pine needles out of them. Shoving them into his mouth, he pointed to his cheeks and bellowed, "These are really good!"

"I'm glad to hear it," Ben sighed. "So what's my problem?"

"Your problem--," the GLUG bellowed through a mouth full, pounding the window with his leg. "--is that you have no Christmas spirit!"

"I have plenty of Christmas spirit!" Ben snapped. "Ho ho ho!"

"See," the GLUG chided, plucking leaves from the mirror. "That's it right there. That's what's wrong with you."

"And how are you supposed to fix it?" Ben asked. The GLUG poofed out his chest proudly and beamed, pine needle fragments sticking out from his tiny green mouth. "Because," he shouted proudly. "I'm the Christmas Spirit Bug!"

"Oh God," Ben muttered, smacking his head to his forehead. The GLUG slammed his face against the window and bellowed, "And I'm here to make sure you have a good Christmas!"

"How are you going to do that?" Ben cradled his head in his hands. The GLUG danced excitedly on the windshield. "By following you around and singing Christmas carols of course! Now roll down that window!"

Ben's eyes widened in fear. He threw his car in reverse and shrieked down the driveway. Tearing down the street, he rushed to his dad's restaurant. The GLUG wound his arms around the windshield wipers and sang in a off-key voice, "Deck the halls with boughs of hallway, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!"

As soon as Ben got out of the car, the GLUG attached himself to his sleeve. "HARK the herald, angels sing, glory to the new born KING!"

The GLUG continued to serenade Ben through breakfast and the ride home. As Ben continued about his day, the GLUG hoarsely screeched into his ear, "SILEEEEENNNNTTT NIGGHHHTTTT! HOOOLLLLLYYY NIIIGGGGHHHTT!"

At first, Ben was pretty irratated, as he should have been. But after hours of off-key singing from a beaming GLUG, he began to feel a bit of Christmas cheer. He visited with old friends, hung out with his family and spoiled Ace the Dog rotten. After awhile, he realized the GLUG was no longer singing in his ear. In fact, the GLUG was nowhere to be seen at all. Ben rushed out to his windshield, where the GLUG was lying across the windshield. He wearily lifted a leaf to his lips, chewing slowly.

"You stopped singing,"Ben said. The GLUG squeaked in reply. "I didn't need to anymore. Besides, I lost my voice."

Ben beamed down at the obnoxious green bug on his windshield. "Thanks, GLUG. I appreciate you trying. You really made me feel the Christmas spirit."

"But of course," the GLUG said arrogantly, sitting up straight. "After all, I'm the GLUG! The Ginourmous Unusual Lime-Green Gnat!" And with that, he flew into the night sky. Ben just smiled, humming to himself as the GLUG continued to screech his favorite song from the starry sky.

"Silent, night, holy night...."