Tuesday, July 03, 2007

New Work Out Routine

In my utter brilliance and insanity, I've discovered a new work out routine. For you ladies who prefer Pilates but still need some cardio, this routine is wonderful. Plus, you get to enjoy all of nature's wonderful gifts! There's three different sections: Rain Walking, Umbrella Arms and Stair Hiking.

Rain Walking

Wait until it begins pouring outside and becomes as windy as possible. Slide your feet into patent leather mules and set out into the rain with an umbrella. Keep your knees high and march through the puddles, splashing muddy water all over your shins and soaking your shoes. With your shoes retaining more water than a 3 weeks overdue pregnant woman, continue to walk for ten or fifteen minutes. As you attempt to walk in your soaked shows, your leg muscles will tense as they try for dear life to hold onto the slippery leather and prevent you from falling on your butt. The effort of keeping your feet in your shoes and on the sidewalk is great for both toning legs and raising your heart rate. Alternate between sliding or crawling on the sidewalk and marching through deep puddles.

Umbrella Arms

When the rain eases up a bit, wait until the wind starts. It should be windy enough to power a wooden ark the size of the Titanic across the Pacific Ocean. Again, go outside with your umbrella. As you propel yourself through the wind, force your umbrella through the air from side to side in front of you. The umbrella should be opened and held straight in front of you as you move it from the left to your right side of your waist and repeat. This works your abs and arms. Next, raise your arm from a downward position towards your feet in an arch up to your head. Repeat several times, then move to the other side. If the umbrella flies out of your hands, run after it in a dramatic fashion shrieking, "Don't leave me!" That counts as cardio.

Stair hiking

Put your slippery rain soaked shoes back on. Climb a flight of stairs as rapidly as you can, keeping your hand near the banister for safety. On your way back down, try to go down as quickly as you can without falling or losing your shoes. Repeat half a dozen times until shoes either fly off or you see a mountain goat.

So for those of you stuck in the house this rainy Fourth of July, never fear! Just try these new work out routines and before you know it, you'll be wet, muddy and best of all, fit!