Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Dear Mr. Cloudman

Mr. White Cloudman
Senior Vice President of Rainy Day Inc.
Somewhere up there
The Sky, Cloud 89768

Dear Mr. White Cloudman,

I admire your tenacity of watering my garden during this wet summer. Not only have you let me go without watering my yard for two months, but the flowers we planting are bursting in joy and health! I want to thank you for your diligent work and attention to the landscaping of the entire Pond.

However, I would like to request a change in schedules. Currently, you seem to have an erratic rain schedule. Sometimes it rains at 2 p.m., sometimes at 10 a.m. and sometimes at 3 a.m. in the morning. While I enjoy the blackouts the rain causes me at work (though I don't enjoy the false hope I might get to go home before the lights flick back on 3 minutes later), I don't enjoy your afternoon rainstorms. Your afternoon rainstorms are interfering with one of my daily walks during the day.

Now, I would not mind compromising and agreeing to a light sprinkle at 3 p.m. The problem is, you see, is that it POURS at 3 p.m. like an ocean has opened in the sky and is falling to the ground below. While I enjoy twirling and prancing in light rain, heavy rain does not make for an enjoyable walking experience. For one thing, I get wet. I don't like getting wet. Another issue is that my hair frizzes out and ramps up my already anxious and high strung personality.

The biggest issue, however, besides the risk of being struck by lighting or being splashed by a car, is that my shoes get wet. Now, I'm sure up there in Cloud that your shoes are always slightly damp with condensation so it's not a big deal to you. However, when you live in the Pond, which is hot and dry, and then work at a old factory that's surrounded by concrete and essentially a giant ceramic oven, I'm used to dry shoes.

Walking in wet, squishy shoes that make noises and stay damp for hours is not amusing. Therefore, I have a proposition. How about you continue all your pleasant rain during the hours of 5 p.m. to 5 a.m.? That way, I don't have to water the yard and it doesn't rain during my walking time. I can have the benefits of a pleasant sunny day with the joy of green grass and lush landscaping.

Please let me know if that's possible for you. I am agreeable to negotiation.

Sincerely,

The Blonde Duck