Thursday, March 29, 2007

The GLUG on Ben's Windshield

On his way to work, Ben had a strange run in with a very unusual kind of bug. The bug had a small head and a long, thick body with six legs. He was lime green and had two small wings and long antenne out of his head. He was, Ben decided, a very obnoxious bug.

The bug plastered himself to Ben's windshield while he was driving down the highway. Rather than allow himself to be blown off, like other bugs, this particular bug clamped to Ben's windshield wipers and sat down for a chat.

"Hello!" the bug bellowed. "Excuse me? Hello! Are you paying attention to me?"

"Are you talking to me?" Ben asked incredulously. "It's happened," he said to himself. "I'm finally cracking up. All those hours at work have fried my brain. I'm now talking to bugs. I'm as loony as Miranda!"

"Well who else would I be talking to?" the bug asked impatiently. "I'm not going to sit here and blabber to myself! I'm not crazy!"

"Right," Ben muttered to himself. "You're not crazy. I'm crazy, but you're not."

"So how are you?" the bug asked conversationally. "How's your day? Where are we going?"

"To work," Ben answered without thinking. Then he stopped and stared at the green bug lounging on the hood of his car.

"Why am I answering a bug?" he asked aloud.

"I'm not a bug," the bug said indignantly. "I'm a GLUG."

"What is a GLUG?" Ben asked.

"A GLUG is a Ginormous Lime green Unusual Gnat," the bug said proudly.

"There is no such thing as ginormous," Ben said.

"Yes there is," the bug said, rolling his eyes. "It's between giant and enormous. I'm too big to be a giant, but I'm a bit smaller than enormous. So I'm ginourmous. It makes perfect sense."

Ben stared at this bug, trying to watch the bug at the same time as he drove. The bug was now munching on a leaf he had found caught in the windshield. "This is good! You got any more?" the bug asked, waving the leaf frantically at him.

"Uhhhhh.." Ben said.

"And my name is Bermuda," the bug added.

"Why's your name Bermuda?" Ben asked.

"Because I was born in Bermuda grass," the bug sighed. "My parents are those type of unimaginative people who name their child after places, like Austin or Dallas. At least it wasn't Waco!" He shuddered at the thought. "Waco would be a dreadful name. It'd be like being named Castroville or Boerne. Just weird names."

"Right," Ben said, not sure what to say to the blabbering bug.

"Well, I'm off," the bug said, brushing himself off. "I'm going to catch that wind there. You take care of yourself, ok? Say hello to Miranda."

Ben stared at Bermuda the bug. "How do you know Miranda?"

The bug waved two of his thin arms dismissively. "We all know Miranda. Take care now. Thanks for the leaf!" With that, the bug threw himself out into the wind and went flying into the breeze. Ben drove the rest of the way to work, stunned into silence. The radio roared around his ears as he tried to comprehend what he just heard.

He pulled into his parking space and pushed the call button on his phone.

"Miranda?" Ben said. "I just met a GLUG."