Monday, March 19, 2007

Howling Toddlers

It is an inescapable fact that like dogs, toddlers like to talk to each other. Normally, toddlers are content to babble on to themselves, to their toys or to their parents. However, in restaurants, malls, shops or any public place with more than five people, toddlers have a need to protect their territory.

It is an unwritten rule of toddlers that no toddler can be in another toddlers area in a five foot perimeter. To toddlers, five feet is the equivalent of five football fields. Considering they're normally only a few feet from their mothers, five feet is like crossing an ocean.

In order to protect their territory, toddlers must howl, shriek and screech. They have five main sounds they use to inform other toddlers about their territory and where their perimeters are. Toddlers also communicate to one another, usually about their rage they can't expand their perimeters, run around their perimeters or invade another toddlers perimeter.

The five main sounds are:

Howl- This is an angry sound letting other toddlers are too close. This can also be a cry of frustration when a parent won't let a toddler run around or invade another's perimeter.

Shriek- This can be a happy or upset cry. Toddlers just love to shriek. They shriek at play, when they're upset or if they just want to hear themselves talk. To adults, it sounds like a knife going through her ear.

Screech- This is an indignant sound. Toddlers become indignant when another toddler comes too close to their perimeter or their goods. If another toddler tries to touch their toys for example, screeching is their primary defense.

Wail- This is the battle cry. The toddler has discovered invaders, and is using sheer lung power to stop them. Normally, this will cause other toddlers to shriek, wail or cry. It is the most powerful of sounds. It causes anyone over the age of 7 to have an instant hemorrhage and bleeding to come out of their ears.

Cry- This is the toddler's defense method. Like a bird playing dead, they release the tears, snot and sobs. Normally, this method could wear down the most patient of adults. It also creates sympathy in the most hard hearted of playground bullies.

The moral of the story is like dogs, toddlers like to talk to each other. So next time you hear them wailing and screeching, just plug their ears. The toddlers are simply protecting their perimeters.