Monday, October 20, 2008

The GLUG is concerned

For those of you who don't know the GLUG, read this!

I was hunched over my computer glaring at the screen when my eyes were filled with green.

"HELLLOOOO!!!!" a familiar voice bellowed from the bridge of my nose. "I'm back!"

"Really?" I asked in a sarcastic tone. "I couldn't see that."

"Oh! Sorry!" The GLUG cackled and peeled himself from my face. Floating down to my laptop, he plopped down on my keyboard and looked up at me hopefully.

"Do you have any tasty leaves?" he asked.

"Not with me," I said.

He sucked in his breath and shook his fist at my face. "What's wrong with you!" he cried. "I am the GLUG! The Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat! How can you not have a steady supply of fresh tasty leaves on supply for me twenty four hours a day, seven days a week? What if I'm hungry? What if I'm sick? What if I've been lost on a journey and contracted a horribly deadly disease that only a fresh oak leaf will cure?"

I tried not to smile. "Ben's in his room," I informed him. "Why don't you go pester him."

"I don't pester," the GLUG snapped, scowling at me. "I enlighten. You should be grateful I took time out of my busy schedule to speak with you."

"I am." My smile was sincere. My voice was not.

"As you should be," the GLUG sniffed, running his fingers across the letter G. "I have a concern to discuss with you."

I raised my eyebrow as he continued. "I am not pleased with your blog."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because," the GLUG growled. "There are no stories of animals! Where's Ernie the earthworm? Where's the animals in the Land of the Flowered Bed? Where are the argumentative birds? Where are the lizards, the spiders who desire golden hair? I want to read about critters! I don't want to read about two teenagers in a dance hall or some girl that was dumb enough to get herself locked into a haunted diner. And I certainly don't want to hear about Miss Pickles!"

"Then what should I write about?" I asked, trying not to giggle.

"MMMMEEEEEEEE!!!!!" the GLUG bellowed. When I began to snicker, he pouted and stomped his foot onto my H key. "Or any other animals would do nicely. Why not the Land of the Flowered Bed?"

"Because," I said, "I have plans for them."

"What plans?" The GLUG leaned forward, his eyes shining.

"You'll see soon enough," I said.

Twisting his green face into a frown, he shook his head. "I want flying pigs," he repeated emphatically. "I want spiders. I want more posts about ME. I want the argumentative birds back."

"They haven't been around!" I burst out. "I haven't written about them because I haven't seen them. I'm lucky if I see a fruit fly now days. There's been no squirrels, birds or spiders. The only animals I see are the Babies."

"And they are rather dull," the GLUG sneered. "There is nothing Ginormous or Lime Green about them. They're not even Unusual."

I rolled my eyes. "So I should just write stories about you?" I asked.

The GLUG looked shocked. "Of course!" he cried. "For I am the Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat! I am the celebrity of the bug world! I'm lean, green and a publicity machine!" He leaped into the air and zoomed out the door.

"I'm off to find Ben!" he cried behind him. "Tasty leaves please! And more animal stories! After all, I'm the Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat! I know what people want!"

All I could do is laugh.

Seven things about the GLUG:

1) The GLUG was born inside a daisy on a dairy farm. To this day, he is terrified of cows' noses.

2) The GLUG and Cookies hate each other. More will be revealed soon....

3) While the GLUG loves tasty leaves, he won't eat grass.

4) In his spare time, the GLUG does needlepoint on flower petals with silk thread from his roommate, a spider.

5) The GLUG majored in Obnoxiousness at Gnat College. He was torn between Annoying and Exasperating, and even thought about going Pre-Pest.

6) The GLUG doesn't know who his mother is. He was raised by the Queen of a Gnat colony.

7) The GLUG's favorite dessert is chocolate chip cookies with a side of cheesecake.

Stay tuned Invisible Friends! Not only will we have a 7 things every day this week, but we'll have all sorts of fun treats! We have a new dance hall dreamers and scary diner tale, along with tasty cinnamon rolls! Keep checking in all week!


Lucy said...

LOL!!! I'd feed him # 7..... just save me a little of each ;-)

Katherine Aucoin said...

I think I would have to feed the GLUG to the alligator. ;-)

Rosie said...

Lol ....I would feed the GLUG number 7 ;)

Rosie x

Marjie said...

I'm with Katherine; feed GLUG to the alligator.

Maria said...

Number seven is a good one!

The Short (dis)Order Cook said...

Maybe you should introduce the obnoxious GLUG to the GOKS (Giant, orange killer flyswatter). ;-)

Pam said...

I'm with Marjie and Katherine - feed the GLUG to the alligator.

Bunny said...

Oh Boy! Sounds like the alligator is getting all the votes! I can't wait to see the treats and stories this week!!

Dee said...

So he hates cookies but likes chop chip cookies? ;) Lol, too funny BD! And thanks for the link to the first part of your story. Loved it. You're very talented.

Grammy Staffy said...

If # 7 is the Glugs favorite desserts then I will gladly join him...cookies and cheesecake...yum

By the way, congrats on the awards you got... well deserved

noble pig said...

What's wrong with grass, there are so many different varietals.

Marie said...

I would love to have the Glug come over here and scarf down some of the abundance of leaves we have in our back garden! Now that's a feast only a glug could enjoy! I did enjoy this lovely little Gnat story and these seven little quirky facts about the glug. I love your words, and dont' listen to the naysayers, the LFB is perfect just . . . as . . . is!!!

The W.O.W. factor said...

Hey Ms you ever sleep??? Your wild imagination just keeps on ticking...and typing! I LOVE coming over here for visits! I always leave with a smile!

Prudy said...

Send the glug over my way to save me a few calories.

Lisa magicsprinkles said...

A gnat? All I can think of is a song from girl scouts or something. "Glug, glug, glug. To the bottom of the tub, glug glug".

Lore said...

"I'm lean, green and a publicity machine"-made me laugh out loud because well he is, in my eyes anyway...when I first came to your blog I clearily remember landing on a story about him and kept coming back ever since :D

Mom said...

I really love the glug. Don't realy know why, but I do.

Corinne said...

Why don't we have any interesting gnats here in my house? They are certainly obnoxious though, the one I have sits in my kitchen sink and every time I turn on the water he flies straight into my left eye. Seriously, every time.
He must be trying to tell me to LOOK before I turn on the water.

Anonymous said...