Sunday, October 05, 2008

The Enigma of the Blond Duck

There are several ways to describe me.


Princess.




Dancing Queen.


Chihuahua Enthusiast.


Normally, you wouldn't think of this.




You think, Blond Duck: cute, whimsical, crazy, blond, pink puppy-loving Texas princess and barbecue and pie loving fool.



You don't think tough paintball warrior.

Yet, on Saturday, that's exactly what I was. For my sister's 20th birthday, she wanted to play paintball. So we played paintball.

Now, I took karate for years. Heck, I was an instructor in karate. I run almost every day. I do kickboxing. I've ridden horses, shot all sorts of guns and jumped off a cliff at the lake.


I can handle getting dirty and a few bruises. But when you have paint balls coming at your face at 240 miles an hour, a bunch of hyper hormonal teenage boys trying to defuse their angst on a old ranch full of "ranges" that look more like movie sets for a movie about nuclear war wiping out humanity--that's not my idea of fun.

At first, I was simply miserable. Two steps in and I was shot in the face (without the mask, I'd be the one-eyed Blond Duck.) Next game, three steps in I was shot in the thigh. The way the game works is everyone runs into game and shoots at each other until there's no one on the other team left. Of course, all the moronic little boys break the rules and basically just shoot at anything that moves. Even if you're already out (you're out first time a paintball hits you) and you're running off the field, you'll get shot five or six times.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Eventually, I basically hid in the dirt behind a tree and talked to earthworms. And shot at little boys when they moved.


Ben got shot six times by a six year old, so at least I fared better than him. He looks like six ring worms attacked his stomach and chest.

But, as the Blond Duck, I'm not just about pink tutus and shooting brats with high-flying paint.


I enjoy creating things.




Isn't my little Halloween wreath cute? I got nothing on the Noble Pig and her collection, but I'm slowly getting there.


So, that's the enigma of the Blond Duck.

One side puppy dogs, sunshine, butterflies, twirling and all things pink:


One side....terrifying.



If I ever have to do paintball again, I want a pink outfit. And a pink gun. And pink paint balls. And my pink bubble to keep me from getting hit but that lets me hit those snot nosed brats. And some pie to munch on while I float around and wait for kids to shoot.

Maybe I'm not such an enigma after all.

18 comments:

jenjen said...

You do look terrifying with that mask on! Paintball does not sound like my idea of fun. I like your idea of inventing one that has pink outfits and pink paint -- I might think about it! I think I'd rather go shopping and to lunch. Love your Halloween wreath. Is there nothing you can't do?

Marjie said...

Pink outfit is doable. Pink gun? Maybe you'd better get to the Depot and snag some Rustoleum before you go again! My father taught me to shoot at 9. And I've been known to shoot my sons (who are almost all bigger than me by 60 to 100 pounds) with an airsoft BB gun. They know to be very afraid. I think the pink paintball regalia would do that for you!

Nice Halloween wreath. No one can touch Noble Pig's collection, however! Did you see her pig mask? I'd think you'd be after that pink item!

Marie said...

haha, you brave girl to go paintballing!!! Secretly I have always longed to go. I think I would really enjoy it, but I think I'd be blasted as I am probably rather slow moving these days. Oh hey, a geriatric paint ball day would and could be rather fun! I think I'll hint to all my friends! I love your idea of pink paintballing and the paint must smell and taste like bubblegum! That almost sounds nice! I love your wreath!!! It's so cute and halloweenie!!

noble pig said...

Good for you! You are a bad ass, I love it.

doggybloggy said...

that whole pink paintball outfit sounds cool.....

Katherine Aucoin said...

I've done paintball once...those little boogers hurt when they hit you and I'm not into pain. I have to say you are one bad @$$ looking chick in your paintball outfit. The pink outfit...you'd have to be a really accurate and fast shot to get away with it!

Prudy said...

I love the wreath you made. Your right, you are an enigma, a complex and fun little person. I didn't know about your karate background. I'll be careful what I say around here.:)

Chad in the AZ Desert said...

Paintball is a wild game, huh? Your mind knows that those paint balls aren't going to do any real harm, but as soon as the first one goes whipping past your head, you go into instant survival mode. In the end, I hope you had a lot of fun. I love the 'pink' idea, too!

Kitty M said...

Pink paintball sounds like my kind of fun but only if you could shoot out marshmallows or balls of fluff!! Real paintball however fills me with a sense of complete and utter dread.

TavoLini said...

ahh!!

I've always been leery of paint ball, too. I just can't see the fun in it. Now, if it was marshmallow ball, I think we'd have a winner!

Corinne said...

Hah! Paintball scares the bejeezus out of me! I have yet to even try playing it i've had many an ex boyfriend who loved that damn game, and I'm not about to start loving it because they are exes for a reason LOL.
You are brave for even trying my dear friend.
Love the wreath btw.

sassy stephanie said...

You ponytail warrior! Academy has pink camo!!

Dee said...

My girlfriend has an all-pink diving suit, so I'm all for the pink paintball get-up :) I have this thing for leopard print and fuschia - wouldn't that be scary?

Live.Love.Eat said...

Go you!!! It's awesome having two sides to us, makes you unpredictable. SO, I KNOW you can attack some braided chicken bake. (I promise, it's not hard AT ALL).

Tiaras and Tantrums said...

you are too cute to paintball! I hate paintballing for the exact reasons - smashed in the face - those little balls hurt!!!!!

The W.O.W. factor said...

This is hilarious! (don't think you'll get all that pink stuff though, next time you go Paint Balling! They'd plaster your pink bubble first off!)
You are a nut! All pink and girlie tied up in one tough ribbon!

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