The GLUG wants a cookie

I was late again. I was always late in the mornings. Dashing out the door, I patted the Babies' heads and jabbed my finger into the alarm keypad. Flinging my stuff into the car, the engine roared and I barreled down the driveway. My mind was racing with things I neglected to do as I twisted and turned through my neighborhood. Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, I stared hazily out at the highway stretching out in front of me.

"HELLO!"

It took every ounce of strength not to slam on my brakes. I glared at the insect beaming at me through the windshield. The GLUG (Ginormous Lime-Green Unusual Gnat) was back.

"I almost had a wreck because of you," I snarled.

"Then you should have been paying attention instead of daydreaming," he shot back. I narrowed my eyes as he entwined his arms around the windshield wipers. "Do you have any tasty leaves?"

"Not that I would give to you," I said. "Why are you talking to me? Don't you want to go talk to Ben? You like him better."

"He's busy," the GLUG explained. "I need your help."

"What?" I snapped. The GLUG took a deep breath and stuck out his chest, preparing himself for a monumental announcement.

"I want to BAKE!" he bellowed. "I want to create! I want to inspire!"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, bewildered. "You just wanted some tasty leaves a second ago."

"This is all your fault!" he howled, pointing a tiny green arm at me. "I was happy with leaves until you came along. Now I can think about is cookies and cakes and pies....I love pie..."

"I do too." We both gazed off into the distance, drooling as we dreamed of pie.

"Anyway, now all I want to do is bake," the GLUG moaned. "Do you know how disgraceful it is for an insect to want to bake? I'm the Ginormous Lime-Green Unusual Gnat! People look up to me!"

"Why is baking bad?" I asked. He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Have you ever seen a dish for baked leaf cookies?" he asked. Shaking my head, I sighed. He had a point.

"How is this my fault?" I asked, serving around a coke can in the road. "And can you move? I can't see anything."

"HOW DARE you insinuate I'm fat!" the GLUG screeched. "I'm not the one who crushes ants whenever she walks!"

"That's because you fly!" I argued back.

"This is your fault," the GLUG hissed, shaking his tiny green fist at me. "I was happily annoying Ben when I stumbled across your blog one day. Then I discovered all these glorious people with food everywhere! There were cookies and cakes and pies...you think Marie would marry me?"

I looked at his eager green face. "You could try."

"Anyway, now all I think about is food!" the GLUG howled, clutching his face and sliding down the windshield in a dramatic puddle of green. "I want to cook, I want to knead--I even want whip egg whites!"

I snorted. He pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. "This isn't funny."

"Why don't you just bake in the Land of the Flowered Bed?" I asked. The GLUG stared at me as if I was a moron.

"Don't you think Pumble would eat it all?" he asked. "Plus, I want to create new leaf dishes. Pumble hates anything healthy."

"You've got a point," I muttered. I weaved down the road as the GLUG flopped on my windshield, sighing and clamping his hand to his forehead.

"I've got it!" I cried, nearly running into a railing.

"What?" The GLUG flung himself against the window, his eyes wide with glee.

"Have Ben teach you!" I said triumphantly. "He's cooks and you like him better than me."

"Can he bake?" The GLUG asked suspiciously.

"Like a dream." I fluttered my eyelashes and smiled. The GLUG leaped off my windshield and cheered.

"Then it's settled! Ben will teach me how to bake and I'll be the best Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat baker in the land!" He flew into the air towards where Ben worked, his little green feet twitching with excitement. I couldn't help but laugh.

I had a feeling I'd be eating a lot of baked leaves.