Monday, August 04, 2008

One percent

It had gotten to a point to where I didn't feel the heat anymore. It beat down on my head and shoulders. Sweat ran down my back, clinging to my shirt and soaking the waistband of my skirt. It even trickled down the backs of my knees and elbows, weaving through my scalp like a car in a race. But I didn't notice. My mind was racing. My fingers were wiggling as if they were plucking the ideas from my mind and arranging them neatly in the air.

"You know what they say?" I looked up and smiled, pausing on my walk to let the butterfly land on my shoulder.

"What do they say?"

"They say that inspiration is one percent great ideas and..."

"99 percent perspiration," I finished. "How did you know I was thinking?"

"You get that goofy look on your face." The butterfly teased me by brushing his wing against my cheek. "I just wanted to remind you that your ideas, as brilliant as they may be, are nothing without work."

"I have no problem working," I grumbled defensively. "I just always run out of time. If only I could quit my job..."

"There will always be obstacles," the butterfly said, tiptoeing down my arm. My hairs stood on end, though my skin was blazing. "There will always be time problems. It's how you work with those obstacles that is important."

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was right. We walked in silence for awhile. The butterfly climbed up my arm and perched on my shoulder.

"But you are on the right track," he murmured.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're doing what makes you happy for that reason alone," the butterfly explained. "You're not longer trying to prove something to someone. You've finally given up your pride in favor of following your own path."

"But I'm still insecure," I mumbled, my cheeks flushed from both the heat and shame. "I still worry that no one will like my stuff, that I'm really not as good as I think I am. Sometimes I think I'll have hardrive on hardrive of stories with no one to read them."

"No you don't." I stared at the butterfly. His wings opened and closed slowly.

"What?" I said, startled.

"No, you don't," he repeated. "You don't think that at all."

I gaped at him and he sighed. "Your insecurities think that, not you," he explained. "Because even while thoughts may run through your brain at midnight and whisper your writing is juvenile, your stories cliche and your books are full of plot holes and crummy text, you don't believe it. You may think it during weak moments, but you know it's not true. And that's what is important. You finally have gained the confidence to go your own way. A maverick, if you will."

I snorted. "Me? A maverick?"

The butterfly looked at me wryly. "What other 23-year-old girl talks to butterflies and writes stories about boys looking for wings? Most girls your age would be trying to get a job or become a reality show star."

I smiled. "Do you really think I have what it takes?"

The butterfly lifted off my shoulder and fluttered to my nose. The tip of his wing touched mine briefly, a delicate kiss of reassurance. And with a wink and a smile, he was gone. I was left to stare at the clouds as they floated across the pale blue sky. With a smile, I went inside.

I have 99 percent more work to do.

9 comments:

Marie said...

I'm with the butterfly on this one! I KNOW you have it in you too! And when it finally does happen for you Duckie, this period of time will seem like such a brief moment. I am sure that JK Rowlands had a lot of moments of self doubting when she was writing in her welfare tenement type of flat as a single mom with not a pot to you know what in or a window to throw it out of, but look at her now. All's it takes is one person to believe in you that has the means to take you to where you want to go . . . in the meantime you have to believe in yourself. If you don't, why would anyone else want to? Try to keep that self doubting wolf at the door and instead keep dancing with butterlies and whimsies and writing your lovely stories. I BELIEVE IN YOU 100% and cannot wait to say I told you so!!! (((Hugs)))

Prudy said...

Posts like this just prove you have it in you. Beautiful writing!

Sarah Beth said...

what prudy said.

love the new layout!

noble pig said...

Love the layout, love the writing...you will continue and be great at it!

bunny said...

I love the way you write, I sooo look forward to reading your stories. You just pull me right in with you, your good little one. maries right, listen to her. we all believe in you or we wouldn't be here. you'll win them over you just wait and see.

jenjen said...

You are such a talented writer. Your hard work will pay off, just wait and see! Thanks for sharing!!!

--Jennifer

Mom said...

Wow! How can you doubt yourself with all the wonderful comments from your friends. Its great you have such a great support group.

kellypea said...

This narrative just comes out of you naturally, doesn't it? Amazing. And I can say I used to think also, that if I just didn't have to work. And now I don't. Do you think I've published anything besides lots and lots of writing on two blogs I take very seriously? Um, no. And I have those doubts and insecurities, too. But I do have to say that when I read your fanciful narratives, they are perfect for kids in the 8-12 range. I used to be and English teacher and was up to my eyeballs in lit for kids and adolescents. You've truly got it. Honestly. If you aren't writing for that audience, you should be. Amazing.

freefun0616 said...

酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店經紀,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店工作,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
專業酒店經紀,
合法酒店經紀,
酒店暑假打工,
酒店寒假打工,
酒店經紀人,
菲梵酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,
禮服酒店上班,
酒店小姐兼職,
便服酒店工作,
酒店打工經紀,
制服酒店經紀,
酒店經紀,

,酒店,