Friday, November 16, 2007

Bananas in Pajamas

Dear Bananas at the Grocery Store,

I do hate to whine and be a bother, but I have a favor to ask you. As you're being shipped from your warm homeland in the Amazon or wherever you come from, please ask the overzealous banana pluckers to pluck you when you are green. While I do love your buttery yellow coat, it tends to show wear and tear quickly as you ripen. If I'm able to purchase a batch of your green friends, I only have to do so once. If not, I'm forced to run into the grocery store and buy another batch so Ben can have his bananas for breakfast.

Please don't mis-understand me! I know this is not your fault. It is the pluckers fault and the distribution people's fault. Personally, I have a theory that behind every grocery store is a hidden orchard where all sorts of fruit is grown. The people who work at the orchard are simply so in love with their own green bananas they can't bear to share them with the world. They have to hoard them to themselves, admiring their bright green coats. It's the same thing with avocados and cantaloupes. They're either too ripe or under ripe because the greedy orchard workers want to keep the best fruit to themselves.

I know, I know. This is one of those anal requests that makes you want to shake someone. I should have more important things to do than ask a favor of bananas. And I shouldn't whine about stopping at the grocery store for ten minutes. There's people dying out there from cancer and horrible diseases, and I'm fussing about bananas.

But this is the Pond, and in the Pond, we have green bananas. So if you ever talk to your cousins who are still hanging on the tree, could you ask them to come a bit sooner? We do so love bananas. Thank you.

Sincerely,

The Embarrassed Blonde Duck