Monday, June 26, 2006

Waiting and Waiting....For You?

I hate job hunting. Being fresh out of college with a liberal arts degree and minimal experience is not the way to win employers hearts. My deepest wish is that I can be published and make enough writing to where that is all I do- stay at home and write. Alas, last week I had several bites, and made it into the upper rounds of interviews. And then- nothing. It's been all quiet on the home front. And while I try not to be obnoxious, I'm just utterly anxious. Do they like me? Will they hire me? Why didn't they email me?

I stare at the tiny envelope on the bottom of my screen, waiting for the small bar of text to appear letting me know I have new mail. I can almost see it, "Dear Blonde Duck, we would love to hire you- we think you're absolutely duckie....". That's all I would need. Just some sort of validation. I got spoon fed it in chunks last week, and now- nothing. Monster.com and local job sites are quiet. They don't have anything for me. Every writing website I've checked is silent. Where are all the editors, the managers? Don't they know that my self esteem is hanging off the floor by inches? Don't they realize the dramatic self loathing they've caused me? Damn them!

Not even peanut butter can salve my vunerability. I feel like one of those tortured artists that runs around maniacally- first ecstatic, then desolate. Is this what my life is going to be like? A few days of sun and sweet, sweet affirmation, and then weeks of waiting? I can't do it. I can't take it.

Actually, I can take it. I can do it, and I will. And do you know why? Because writing is in my blood. It's my passion. It's the fact that while I look for a job, I might have a chance to get a job I'd love. I might even actually live out my dream. And for that, I'll keep waiting and waiting.

If I don't go nuts and rip out my hair first, screaming "Does anybody like me yet!?!"

Do they?

3 comments:

ashley sinatra said...

You're blogs humor and inspire me. I am a college bound student who wants to get a degree in creative writing and pyschology. I'm rooting for you!

The Blonde Duck said...

Ashley-
Good luck with your journey in creative writing in psychology! I think all writers love psychology because we all want to figure people out and why they do things the way they do- I wanted to major in it. Thank you so much for commenting- I was so excited I ran in squealing to my husband about it.....yea...I'm a dork.. but thanks!

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