Monday, February 04, 2008

The GLUG returns. With Friends.

Ben sighed with relief. He was in heaven. He was outdoors on a shooting range, gun in his hand and wearing shorts in the warm February Texas weather. There were no phone calls, no stress of the city. It was just him and his gun. Just the way he liked it.

"HELLLOOO!!" a familar voice warbled.

"Oh God," Ben muttered. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping he wouldn't see the little face he had wished to never see again. He looked down toward his arm and opened his eyes. The GLUG was perched on his forearm, his eager little face peering up at him.

"HELLLOOO!" he greeted him. "Do you have any tasty leaves?"

"What are you doing here?" Ben asked, ignoring the GLUG's question.

"What are you doing here?" The GLUG returned the question.

"Shooting."

"Shooting's boring," the GLUG dismissed. "I'm eating." He nibbled one of Ben's arm hairs and made a face. "That wasn't grass."

"No," Ben said dryly. "Go away."

"First, you have to meet my family!" the GLUG said cheerfully, gesturing behind him. Ben looked up and gasped. A swarm of green bugs was coming his way.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" a thunderous cry came from the swarm.

"How many people are in your family?" Ben chocked out, watching the swarm coming towards him. "I thought you were the only GLUG!"

"Of course I am," the GLUG said in an arrogant tone. "I was so exceptional that I felt the need to make copies of myself. But I am the original GLUG. The one and only!"

Ben began waving frantically as the swarm descended upon him.

"Do you have any leaves?" one small green bug questioned.

"Do you have any cheese?" another asked.

"What's that think in your hand?" a third bug asked, sitting on Ben's nose. He nearly went cross-eyed trying to see the tiny green speck on his nose.

"Can you open a coke and pour it out on the ground so we can drink the sugar?" another asked, buzzing around Ben's shoulder.

"Shoo, shoo!" Ben cried, waving his hand though the air. "Get off me!" He brushed the bugs off him. The bugs simply floated around his head.

"You know, I thought you'd enjoy meeting my friends," the GLUG scowled.

"I thought they were your family," Ben said, delicately removing a tiny green bug from his hair. The bug grinned sheepishly. "I thought it was a forest," he explained. Ben rolled his eyes and the bug jumped from his hand.

"Whatever," the GLUG rolled his eyes. "We'll hang around and watch you shoot."

"Goodie," Ben rolled his eyes. The tiny swarm of bugs followed him everywhere he went, buzzing around his head as he shot, following him to the trash can as he deposited shells and over to the picnic table as he sat and waited for his turn.

"You know, you're boring," the GLUG announced. "This isn't even mildly interesting."

"You know what would be really exciting?" Ben forced a smile. The bugs whizzing around his head became excited.

"WHAT?" they squealed in unison.

"Eating that tree over there!" Ben pointed to a small bush.

"HOORAY!" the bugs squealed, launching themselves toward the bush as fast as their tiny wings would go. The GLUG lingered, looking at Ben suspiciously.

"This is a trick," he said, narrowing his eyes at Ben.

"Nope," Ben said, still pointing at the bush.

"Those leaves aren't really tasty," the GLUG nodded his head.

"Nope," Ben said. He saw the GLUG's eyes widen in surprise. Leaning forward, he whispered, "They're more than tasty. They're magnificint."

"Really?" the GLUG purred, fluttering his little wings. He looked at Ben. "Magnificent, you say?"

"Tastiest leaves ever," Ben lied. He ignored the itch on his shoulder. His whole body felt like he was crawling with bugs.

"Well then," the GLUG beamed. "GOODBYE! I'll see you next time!" He took off toward the swarm of green bugs.

"Oh boy," Ben sighed. He packed up his gun as fast as possible and jumped in the car. He knew the GLUG would be back.

And he didn't want to see what new friends he brought with him.