Thursday, April 05, 2007

Q&A

Being the generous Blonde Duck that I am, I compiled a list of all the questions the Turtle Guru of the Other Pond received from the animals of the Land of the Flowered Bed. Some were deep, some were dumb and others were just.....interesting. Dear Invisible Friends, I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I did. Oh--and a Land of the Flowered Bed story is on it's way soon!
The Q&A with the Turtle Guru


The Ducks at the Spa in the Land of the Flowered Bed

Q: Why are there no turtles in our spa? We deserve turtles! Why do the ducks in the Other Pond get turtles and we don't? That's unconstitutional and segregation! We demand turtles!

A: Have you ever asked some turtles to come over? I'm sure if you ask nicely, they will come. Or just have a lot of bread crumbs. That works too.

Pumble the Bee

Q: Everytime the girl goes to the grocery store, she buys a large gallon of ice cream. Three days later, the ice cream is gone and I have to wait until the girl goes back to the store! I know they're not eating it--she's as annoyed as I am. How do I find out who is stealing my ice cream? I think it's the owl. He would do something like that, the jerk.

A: Perhaps you should look at your own stomach. Maybe you're snacking more than you realize. If you really want to find out who is stealing your ice cream, just set up a security camera. Good luck with that!

Hairy the Mayor

Q: I want to host an Easter egg hunt for Easter, but am not sure whether to use hardboiled or plastic eggs. What's your advice?

A: Plastic. These are animals, remember.

The Ladybug

Q: Everytime the girl goes to the grocery store, she buys a gallon of ice cream. Three days later, the ice cream is gone and I have to wait until next week for some more! I think someone is stealing my ice cream! How do I find out who is stealing my ice cream? I think it's the seals. They have a sweet tooth. Oh, and don't tell Pumble I'm here. I'm going to surprise him.

A: Um, I would ask Pumble about his ice cream habits.

Cookies the Owl

Q: I demand to know why you are called the Turtle Guru. I am a OWL! I am the wisest creature of them all. What gives you the right to think you are wise? You're nothing but a phony! Why do you think you're so brilliant? Is that because of your hard outer shell? You're nothing but a fraud?

A:........Was that a question?

The Seals (as translated by Hairy)

Q: Do you have any salmon? If you do, can we have it? We do adore salmon. We like tuna too. Not dolphins though. We have relatives for dolphins. Crazy Aunt Mary.....so do you have any salmon?

A: I know of where you can get catfish, no salmon. So sorry to disappoint. I personally prefer bread crumbs from the County Line myself, rather than fish.

Mazzy the Munny

Q: Ever since relocating to Austin to follow my dream of becoming a singer, I've noticed there aren't any other Munnys. Does that mean I'm the Queen of the Munnys?

A: If you would like to be, you are the Queen of the Munnys. Be sure to adorn yourself in a velvet cloak and do charity work. A specter and crown never hurt, either.

The GLUG

Q: Hello! Where are you going today?

A: Nowhere. I live at the other pond.

Q: Fascinating! I'm a GLUG you know. Do you have a cool name?

A: No. I'm a turtle.

Q: Well that's dull. Why don't you have a cool name?

A: Turtles like to be dull. It's like mud. We like mud because it's dull. We're dull because we live in mud. Mud is generally just--dull.

The Babies of the Big Pond

Q: Have you seen our buckets?

A: I'm afraid not. I hope you find them!

Arthur the Dog

Q: Can I eat you? You look tasty.

A: No.

The Other Ladybug

Q: Could you tell me a story? I like stories!

A: Sure! Have a seat and I'll tell you a tale. There was once a very curious lady bug. She met a very strange turtle. The end.

The Butterflies

Q: Do you ever regret the trappings of your physical body? The slow movements and thick outer shell, the twisted reptilian skin?

A: No. It would be like you regretting your wings and ability to whisk through the air.

Q: Indeed.

A: Indeed.

Henry the Lizard

Q: Do you ever have Giants shouting at you? I hate when Giants shout at me!

A: There's always someone bigger, stronger and better than you. Louder, too.

Ernie the Earthworm

Q: Excuse me! Do you have a spring hat? I have a spring hat!

A: Even better- I have a spring shell that doubles as a hat and a house!

The Flying Pigs

Q: Pardon me! Is your grass tasty at the Other Pond?

A: The grass is always greener on the other side.