The MYRP at the wedding

As the preacher droned on and on, I shifted uncomfortably on my heels. Ben nudged me, keeping his eyes straight ahead. I should have been staring in a haze of romantic awe at the couple before us as they stood under these tall oaks, taking their oaths in front of their family and friends. Instead, I was distracted by the pigeons cooing overhead and scuttling on the wooden boards looking for crumbs and the ache in my heels.

I turned my attention to the bride and groom and smiled politely. After all, I would have been annoyed to hear someone was paying more attention to a bird than me at my wedding.

Then again, my wedding had barbecue, live violinists and a giant snake.

The preacher's words washed over me as I forced my eyes to stay on the wedding party. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I saw a tiny bug fly into my hair. It dangled around my ear, clutching the golden strands for dear life. The bug had a round little yellow body covered with tiny green spots. At least it's not the GLUG, I thought to myself.

"Excuse me," I whispered as quietly as I could. To me, it sounded as light as a breath. To the bug swinging from my hair like Tarzan, I'm sure I was bellowing. "Would you please get out of my hair?"

The bug began sobbing and blew it's tiny nose on my hair. It's antennae twitched as it waved the ends of my hair at my cheek. "I love weddings," the bug sniffed, wiping another batch of snot on my hair. "They always make me cry."

I pawed at my hair, alarmed that this wedding wasn't going any faster. We'd been here 20 minutes and the rings hadn't been exchanged. My hair could be dripping by that point. "Please go somewhere else and do that," I begged, pointing at Ben's head. "His hair is much softer."

The bug didn't even bother to look up at Ben. Instead she swung to the other side of my head, clutching a brand new grasp of hair. "Isn't it romantic?" the bug wailed, sighing as she twirled on my head. "I would love to get married." Her yellow round little body turned bright red and her black beady eyes filled with a fresh round of tears. "But I'll never be a bride!" she whimpered, thrusting her face into my hair and sobbing.

Realizing my hair would be ruined and that things were actually starting to happen at the alter, I gave up and plastered a fake smile on my face as the bug wailed and whimpered above my split ends.

"Why won't you ever be a bride?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Because I'm a lowly MYRP," she hiccuped through her insect hysterics. "Who would want me?"

"What is a MYRP?" I asked, hoping no one could hear the bug but me. A pigeon cocked his head and began to creep our way, his beady black eyes watching my twitching hair.

"Even you don't know what a MYRP is!" the MYRP sobbed, blowing her nose on my hair. "Why would anyone marry me?"

"I'm not educated in insect acronyms," I muttered. "Why don't you tell me?" The couple at the alter kissed and everyone burst into applause.

"A MYRP," the bug shrieked, apparently enraged her distress was being out staged by a wedding, "is a Minute Yellow-green Rambunctious Pest."

"They got the rambunctious part right," I murmured, ignoring her squeal of protest. "Why are you sad? That isn't a bad name." I plastered a smile on my face and clapped as the couple walked by.

"Because," the MYRP squeaked, "People think I'm a pest!" She burst into a fresh batch of sobbing. The penguin backed away slowly and scuttled after the crowd, looking hopefully at hands clutching programs for bread crumbs.

I didn't tell the MYRP I was inclined to agree. As we followed the crowd inside and her wailing grew louder, I spotted a butterfly.

"Excuse me!" I called, hoping to get the wailing bug out of my hair and sneak out of the crowd. "I have someone I would like you to meet!"

The MYRP peeked through my hair and squeaked. My hair bounced around my shoulders as she rustled about to make herself presentable. The butterfly drifted over politely.

"This is MYRP," I said, swinging my hair so the now beaming MYRP was exposed. "She's new around here and a bit insecure about her name. Perhaps you might introduce her to some people, fly around with her..." Get her out of my hair, I finished silently.

"I would be honored," the butterfly said, bowing his antennae. He floated silently besides my hair and extended a tiny black foot to the MYRP. "Shall we?"

The MYRP waved goodbye as she floated away beaming on the arm of the butterfly. Ben saw the bug fly out of my hair and started.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"Oh, you know," I said as we walked inside. "You'll never know who you meet at a wedding."