Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Smell

"What is THAT?" Cookies bellowed, retching in disgust. The seals gagged and choked as they crawled on their bellies to the window, desperate for a fresh breath of air. Pumble lay on the ground wheezing.

"This is it," he wheezed. "This is the end. The end of the honey jar. I can smell the cold hand of death coming to wrap his bony fingers around my neck."

"First of all," Cookies choked out. "Your neck is too fat for anyone to wrap their fingers around, even death. Second of all, that smell isn't death, it's putrid. It's inhuman. It's more disturbing then fat women wearing pleather mini skirts."

"Quit being mean," Hairy grunted as he pulled and jerked on the window. "You're just cranky because of the smell."

"I'm cranky because I can't breathe!" Cookies bellowed. "You'd be cranky too if the air in your lungs was green and rotting!"

"I can see the light," Pumble cried. "It's coming towards me! I can see castles of honey and biscuits!"

Hairy jerked the window open as the seals gasped for air. They lay on the floor, sucking in deep breaths of fresh air. The stench slowly seeped from the room. Cookies quit bellowing and Hairy felt the burn in his sinuses cease.

"The tunnel is closing!" Pumble cried. "The castles of honey are fading! It's--it's gone!" He sat up beaming. "Hooray!" he cried. "Guess what? I'm not dying anymore!"

"I'm so thrilled," Cookies said sarcastically.

"Oh hush," Hairy said as Pumble pouted. "What do ya'll think the smell was?"

"Pumble farted!" Cookies announced immediately.

"The seals didn't throw away their raw fish!" Pumble retaliated. The seals barked in disagreement, crossing their flippers over their bodies.

"Now, now, there has to be a reason for the smell," Hairy said. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide. "I know what it is!" he cried. "A skunk?"

"A skunk?" the others cried in shock. "Where?" Pumble leaped to the top of the pillows while the seals dove under the bed to look for him eagerly.

"Well think about it," Hairy said logically. "What else smells that bad?"

"Pumble's farts," Cookies replied promptly.

"Oh stop it," Hairy said in exasperation.

"But wouldn't the smell have gotten worse when you opened the window, if it was a skunk?" Pumble said thoughtfully.

"That's a good point!" Hairy said. His eyes grew wide. "That means the skunk is in the Land of the Flowered Bed."

"That's all we need," Cookies rolled his eyes. "We already have three ducks in the bathroom. Of course we need a skunk as well."

"When are the ducks leaving?" Pumble asked. "They tend to hog the hot tub."

"Don't stand there arguing!" Hairy cried. "We have to find the skunk."

"Oh, right," Pumble said. "The skunk." The animals looked under the bed, and found no skunk. They looked in the spa- no skunk. They looked in the refridgerator and under every nook and cranny--no skunk. The seals were sniffing frantically to locate the smell. The others were confused.

"How can it smell so bad and not come from a source?" Hairy asked. "That makes no sense."

Suddenly, the seals began barking and hopping up and down. They pointed their noses to a pair of socks. Hairy went over to sniff the socks and turned green within three feet of them. "That's it all right," he gagged. "It's nauseating. It's completely awful!"

"We have to get rid of it!" Cookies demanded. "Pumble, get rid of the socks."

"No way," Pumble said. "I want to be able to eat again. My hands will fall off."

"I'm not doing it!" Hairy cried. "I found it!" As the three argued, the seals rolled their eyes and used their tails to kick the socks in the toilet. One of the ducks flushed, and the seal barked in appreciation. The three interrupted their arguing.

"Well then," Cookies said. "That's done. Onto the next adventure of the day."

Later that evening, I opened the screen door to take out the trash and froze once again. There on my patio stood a tiny skunk.

"Hello," he beamed up at me. "I heard there was a skunk in the Land of the Flowered Bed. I came to join him."

I stared at him in amazement and shook my head. "Here we go again," I muttered.