Saturday, February 17, 2007

Lament to my Peanut Butter

Dear Jar of Peanut Butter Sitting Sorrowfully in the Trash,

Peanut butter, oh peanut butter, why have you forsaken me? What foreign bacteria has entered your vats of creamy goodness and made it impossible for me to eat? Rather than tantalizing my taste buds with your salty delight, you risk rotting them off my flesh! Why, oh why, have you done this to me?

Oh Peanut butter, throwing you in the trash was the hardest thing I had to do. As I stared down at you in that lonely trash can, tears can to my eyes. You looked so pitiful there, open and exposed in the depths of the trash bin. Instead of sitting on a counter, ready for the making of sandwiches and delightful cracker spreads, you lay forgotten in a plastic wasteland.

Please don't give me that pleading look. This is not my fault. It is not my fault you were recalled for risk of salmonella. It is not my fault your goodness is rotting out in dumpsters across the country. However, it is my fault that you have been replaced. A jar of Jif sits in your spot that you used to occupy.

Don't give me that snide remark! What am I supposed to do until you're cleared again? Am I just supposed to not have peanut butter? Why should I be punished for your poisonous ways?

As much as you have wronged me, peanut butter, I still adore you. I will miss your salty goodness that Jif can't seem to match. Until the bacteria is purged from your thick goodness, I will be waiting. Until then, dear peanut butter.

Mournfully,

The Blonde Duck