Thursday, December 07, 2006

Childish Wonder

In the safe bubble of my Pond, I spend a lot of time joking about being in a bubble. If I don't want to do something, it's because I'm in a bubble. If I don't want to go somewhere, it's out of my bubble. I give off this cute, bubbly attitude to where people think I'm a perpetually happy airhead. The majority of the time, it works to my advantage. I'm the cute blond that can surprise people with talent/smarts/work, etc. Other times however, the bubble traps me, instead of protects me.

As the Blonde Duck, I spend a lot of time focusing on the good of the world. I notice the butterflies, the flowers, the beauty of a person. I do notice the bad things- I see the cracks, the decay and the slow erosion of people's souls into people that aren't people at all. I see the mean people, the cruel and the ones who honestly don't care about you at all.

People say that children don't understand the world, they don't understand the world can be bad. I'm often lectured and protected because I don't understand the world. I will fully admit I don't a lot of the time. I'm often so focused on the good that the bad falls outside of my blinders, and it can put me in dangerous situations or around dangerous people. Slowly, I'm learning.

Children instinctively know when a person is bad, mean or just wrong. Sometimes, children are blinded by charisma or a slick personality, but the truth always wins out. I prefer to think that I think this way. I may miss the notice the first few times, but eventually, I'll get the message loud and clear.

As someone who has been noted for being full of childish wonder, let me state that I'm not trying to bury my head in the sand. I know the world can be bad. I know that things happen I don't want to think about. I know that in the sunshine of my mind, shadows of fear and worry creep in. I know that sometimes in the grocery store, I'll watch the man with the cart carefully if I get a fully feeling down my neck.

I'm not arguing with this notions. But, the way I retain my wonder is by not focusing on it. Instead of dwelling on the number of kidnappings and rape, I push aside the weeds to look for the nest of butterfly eggs. Instead of worrying about all the strange looking people in the grocery store, I laugh at the child who is secretly eating his cookie so he can pretend to have dropped it and get a new one. Instead of thinking about the heartbreaking things that happen to people in the world, I prefer to daydream about heartwarming moments.

It seems that the world would be a better place if most of us faced the sunbeams, rather than glancing over our shoulders of the shadows. Does that mean that we should ignore the shadows? No. Does that mean we should close our eyes and let the sun warm our face as the shadows creep towards our feet? No. All it means is that instead of feeling the chill on your arms when you step out of the sun, turn your face to the light. Love and happiness win over despair and worry any day. And that truly, is the great wonder of it all.