Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Election Day at the Pond
Ladies and Gentleman, today is an important day in America's history. In the Pond's history. In your personal history.
That's why I'm urging you to re-elect me, Bitty, as Queen of the Pond.
Bear will serve as my servant--err, running mate.
At this time, Bear's representatives were only able to release a short statement: "Wuffle. Baroooo. Wuffle."
As a gorilla that has seen both the high and lows with Queen Bitty, I can assure you she is a fair and kind ruler.
Please don't take my other arm. I haven't had surgery yet.
As Bear's closest advisor and friend, I find Queen Bitty to be a stupendous Queen. Who else can ferret out the hidden chew sticks in the pantry? Who else can strike terror for miles with a single banshee scream? What other Queen can kill insects with a single whiff of her breath?
Lyle the Crocodile here. As a new addition to the Pond, let me say how gracious Bitty is to those in her domain. Not only did she allow the Blond Duck's mother to clean the house while the Blond Duck and Ben were out of town, but she allowed her to stay there and accompany her and Bear on her adventures. On top of all that, she welcomed the addition of new groceries, treats, toys and even clothing for her and Bear. After all, Bitty is not one to turn down hospitality. She is, after all, a Queen.
I don't like her. I tell you what, I don't like what she stands for. I'd rather a moose run than her. Why her policies on late night snacks are atrocious--
All hail Queen Bitty. I love Queen Bitty.
This entire election is crooked. Queen Bitty is a control freak with an overbite the size of a--
I will not be silenced! I am the watch cow of the Pond! I shall bring justice and freedom to the public!
Still not convinced I'm perfect to rule the Pond? Here's what other voters had to say:
If a plastic mouse farts in a room with only other toys for company, does it smell?
Queen Bitty said I could have a lifetime supply of roasted cashews if I voted for her. I love cashews. And pie. I really like pie.
To be frank, I'm concerned about health care. Sure, Queen Bitty has promised dental for every critter and a free supply of Greenies. But what about hospital bills? It isn't easy being a toy. In fact, I need a new tail implant. Who's going to pay for that? We toys need more than to be drooled and gnawed on!
Vote Queen Bitty '08.
I know you'll make the right choice.
*And Mom, thanks again for all the fun sussies, cleaning the house, picking up my groceries and doing my laundry so we came home to a clean house from being out of town. You're a lifesaver!
Tomorrow, we have a new addition to the "Twirl"/ Dancehall story that so many of you have been asking for! Thursday we feature Mrs. McGill's Beef Stew and bran muffins, and Friday we have a new Miss Pickles and the winner of the 500 post sussy! And Saturday--a whimsical treat to kick off your weekend!