Thursday, September 20, 2007

Bursting out of building, I ran out the door. My chest was tight, my stomach in knots. My heart was beating faster than a bird's beating wings. The thoughts swirled in my mind, the words shouted in my head. I was exhilarated. I was exhausted. I needed to talk. I needed to hide. My feet propelled me on the familiar path I trace at least five times a day.

A familiar pair of tiny feet landed on my hand. I smiled.

"You're always there when I need you." The butterfly stood regally on my hand, preening as it slowly opened and closed it's wings.

"Of course. It is what we do." The butterfly delicately floated to my shoulder and nestled in my hair.

"Things are just so complicated today," I mummered, sweating as the sun beat down on my shoulders and back. "I'm so excited, but I'm so confused. What if she's not for real? What if this is all a game?"

"There are no easy choices," the soft voice whispered wisely. "There's only easy regrets."

"How do I know what to do?" I asked as the butterfly burrowed deeper into my hair. "How do I know who to choose? It's all very confusing."

"Wait and see," the butterfly advised. "You're making much ado about nothing."

"You can't quote Shakespeare at me and tell me that it's not a big deal," I snapped. "You know it is. You know it's what I've been dreaming of."

"And you're using logic to navigate a dream." The butterfly walked down my arm. "Dreams are based on hope, faith and feelings. You're using logic and reason. There's a fine line between using your head too much and being a romantic, impulsive fool."

"I am a romantic, impulsive fool," I smiled. "Sometimes."

"At times," he agreed. "While this is about business, it's much more personal than that. This is a dream, an aspiration, the tantalizing tip of success. It must not be rushed. It must not be ignored. Most of all, it must not be fully logical."

I looked at the butterfly questioningly.

"If you were logical," he explained. "You wouldn't write at all. You most certainly wouldn't keep trying to rescue things!"

We laughed. "I rescued you," I teased.

"Or did I rescue you?" he replied in return.

We continued to walk as the end of my path neared. My heart had calmed, my breathing had slowed. The rapid storm of words and ideas in my head had calmed to a few waves. My eyelids still felt heavy, but I didn't feel the need to curl up and sleep for a hundred years.

"How will I know what to do?" I asked.

"How did you know to get married?" the butterfly asked, his wings fluttering. "Was it this heart wrenching decision you had to agonize over?"

"No," I said, confused. How was this anything like marriage? "It was the easiest decision of my life."

"Why?" the butterfly asked.

"It was just natural," I shrugged. "It fit right."

With a smile, the butterfly nodded his head. Suddenly, I understood. I saw his tiny face look toward the tree, and I raised my hand in the air.

"When will you be back?" I asked, knowing what the answer will be.

"Soon," the wind replied. "Always soon."