The GLUG has a dream

***Dear Invisible Friends,

Forgive my lack of posting! We drove back late Friday from Shreveport to avoid the hurricane, and I just now got everything settled.

First, I have to thank the lovely Clumbsy Cookie for giving me the "I love you this much award!" It was very kind and I appreciate it so much. It made me tingle in my toes, I was so tickled.

Next, I have to thank the darling Corianne at Gourmet Love Affair for giving me the Brilliante Weblog Award. If you haven't been to her blog, you should jump over there right now. She and her husband create amazing dishes...all made from love of course!

Next, I have to thank the wonderful Marjie for giving me the Kick Ass Blogger award. Marjie is a wonderful superwoman who wrangles more children than I could handle in a lifetime and manages to sew and cook drool-worthy dishes. She's tougher than Hilary and Palin combined! Thanks Marjie!

The rules of this award state I must post the rules and nominate five other bloggers.

The rules are:
1) Choose 5 kick-*** bloggers
2) Let them know they've been awarded
3) Link back to the person who awarded you
4) Link back to MammaDawg

The five bloggers I wish to award are (Grace and Prudy, congrats for getting the award too!):

1) Clumbsy Cookie (Why? Because I love you this much!) (See above for link.)
2) Corianne (One word: Ribs) (See above for link.)
3) Marie at A Year From Oak Cottage
4) Lore at Culinarty by Lore
5) Bunny at Bunny's Warm Oven

And, because I never follow rules, I also want to give this to Jen at Tater Tots and Jello Congrats ladies!


Now, without further ado, I give you the GLUG. And stay tuned tomorrow for the new Miss Pickles!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Everything was done. The dishes had been put away, the suitcases had been unloaded and I had finally found my glasses.

I was halfway through the massive mound of laundry that had mysteriously accumulated and had just cleaned the house.

Taking a deep breath, I plopped on the couch and closed my eyes.

Something tickled my nose. I opened my eyes to a green blob.

"HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" a familiar voice bellowed, sticking his already blurry face closer to mine.

"Oh boy," I muttered.

"Are you not excited to see me?" the GLUG shrieked in a wounded tone. Staggering back so he was standing on my chest, he clutched his skinny green arms to his heart and howled as if I had stabbed him. "How can you not love me? How can you not adore me? I am the GLUG! The Ginormous Lime Green Unusual Gnat!"

"You know, you tell me that every time you come see me," I observed.

"Because I have to!" the GLUG bellowed, flinging his arms out. "I'm so dazzling, you might forget! You might think to yourself, 'Who is that charming creature? Who is that fabulous insect? Why, it's the GLUG! The Ginormous Lime Green Unusual"--

"Ben's in his office," I interrupted as he spun in circles, waving his arms wildly as he pirouetted across my collar bone.

"I don't want to see him," the GLUG sniffed, plopping down on my chest.

"He's mean."

I raised an eyebrow.

"He wouldn't listen to my brilliant idea!" the GLUG bellowed, whacking me in the chest with his tiny hand for emphasis. "Plus, he's got all those antlers in there now. It's terrifying. I refuse to go in there."

"It's just antlers," I said. "It's not like a deer head or anything."

"How would you like it if I hung a bunch of hair up on the wall?" the GLUG shouted, thrusting his face close to mine. "It would disturb you, wouldn't it?"

It would, but I wasn't going to admit that to the GLUG. "What's your brilliant idea?" I asked, hoping to distract him. He beamed and leaped up in the air, his iridescent green wings fluttering.

"I," he stated dramatically, "am going to be a SUPERHERO!" He flung his arms in the air and perched dramatically on my shoulder.

I blinked at him.

"Are you not IMPRESSED?" he bellowed. "Are you not ECSTATIC? Are you not AMAZED and STUNNED and QUIVERING in fear?"

"Have you been reading the thesaurus again?" I asked.

"That's not the point!" the GLUG shouted, shaking his green hands in my face. "The point is I'm going to be a superhero and you haven't fainted or anything. The least you could do is shriek or squeal in delight!"

"I think it's wonderful you're going to be a superhero," I said, patting his little green head. It was no bigger than the tip of a marker. "What are your powers going to be?"

The GLUG thought for a moment, tapping his green finger against his head. "I'm going to fly," he announced. "And eat tasty leaves."

"That's...lovely," I said, smiling. I wasn't going to remind the GLUG he did all that now.

"And I'm going to have a Flying Chihuahua for a sidekick," he continued. "And leap buildings in a single bound! And do you know what the best part is?"

"What?" I asked.

"I'm going to have a cape!" he bellowed. " A green cape with a golden G, L, U, G on the back!"

"It sounds great!" I said. "So when do you start?"

The GLUG tilted his head and cupped a hand to his ear. "I hear someone in trouble now!" he shouted. Slapping a construction paper black mask to his face, he shouted, "It's a bug, it's a gnat, it's.... the GLUG to the rescue!"

Thrusting his fist in the air, he flew across the living room to the Land of the Flowered Bed. All I could do was grin and wonder what Cookies in the Land of the Flowered Bed was going to think of the new super hero coming to save the day.

Ode to Peanut Butter Pie

Ode to Peanut Butter Pie (and how I love thee)


Ode to Peanut Butter Pie,
And how I love thee.

From your rich filling,
to your fluffy whipped cream,
I have to admit,
Every bite is a dream.




Yes, I admit it, it's true.
I scrape off your chocolate layer (I'm allergic, I swear!)
But it's ok.
This one time, I'll share.


It's thick and tasty,
Rich and delicious.
I crave, I yearn, I beg,
It's really that fabulous.



I'm so obsessed with my peanut butter pie,
I even label it.
After all, how can I take chances,
Ben might dare to eat it!


Wait a minute, what's this?





Banana pudding! (It's restaurant chic to leave them in the Styrofoam containers. Trust me, darlings.)



Wait there's more.... Macaroni and cheese!



And a cupcake! A PINK cupcake!




With glittery sprinkles on top!! I do love pink things. With glitter. And sprinkles. I love sprinkles.


My dear Invisible Friends.....




I am going to consume all this.




I may not fit in the car on the way back. Now if you excuse me.... I have to continue my ode to my peanut butter pie. And how I love thee.




*Peanut butter pie, macaroni and cheese and banana pudding found at the Southfield Grill in Shreveport, La.

Casa de Chihuahuas and Chaos

The face off: Ace versus Bitty.

What cures eight hours in a car with two hyperactive Chihuahuas that do nothing but terrorize their cousin Chihuahua with incessant yapping and growling?






Why, pie of course!




And not just any pie, but my favorite: apple crumbly pie. Oh, sweet heavens. My dear mother-in-law not only made me her famous spaghetti, but she made me a pie. A la mode, of course. Let me tell you, after the sniping and growling my two little "angels" have been doing, it was desperately needed.

As Ben's sister, Maggie, said: Small, Medium, and Large (from right to left.)

You see, here in Shreveport, it is Casa de Chihuahuas. They have Ace, we have the Babies. Wherever you go, you have the pitter-pattering of paws prancing behind you.





Not to mention the barking, snarling, sniping and down right obnoxiousness. I'm ashamed to say it, but I've raised two antisocial introvert Chihuahuas.





The worst part is they aren't ashamed at all.




They're prancing around as if they own this place and Ace is simply an intruder to be exterminated.




So for the sake of my sanity and keeping the peace....

Can't we all just get along?

I think I'll need to bake some more pies.




And I've got a pile of berries to do it, provided by my dear mother-in-law. At first when I saw these, I immediately thought of my blueberry raspberry crumble. Remember?





But then I thought, let's be new! Experiment! Try something different!


So, send me your suggestions! Keep sending me your questions. Also, don't fear Invisible Friends. Peanut butter pie and more fun tales are on the way!

Enchanted Jewels 2

***Dear Invisible Friends,

As you read this, I'm barreling down the Interstate to visit my husband's family in Shreveport, La. In celebration of the massive amounts of delicious food I'm going to consume, I'd like for you, my dear Invisible Friends, to send me your questions! (I was inspired by Prudy's questions earlier!)

Since I won't be able to visit your glorious blogs until Wednesday night or Thursday morning, just leave your questions in the comments. Want to know why I write goofy stories? Want to know why I make my dog wear a crown? Want to know what my favorite pie is (I love pie)! Heck, you can even ask me my real name and why I call myself the Blond Duck!

And just so you don't think you're missing out on anything, there are several great posts up ahead! Not only is there Peanut butter pie and the world's best mac and cheese, but there will be another edition of the beloved Miss Pickles and the GLUG will return.

Until then, enjoy the second part of Enchanted Jewels!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Isla crept towards her grandmother's room. The doorway seemed farther away with every step she took. Clutching the key in her hand, she turned back and glanced at her grandmother.

"Go on," her grandma said, nodding encouragingly. "Trust me. You must find out on your own."

Gulping, Isla nodded and tiptoed into her grandmother's room. The door creaked as she slid past it, startling her. She could hear her grandmother's muffled laughter as she straighted her shoulders and walked toward the dresser. The jewelery chest lay glimmering, light sparkling off the delicate golden wires and twinkling in the tiny jewels covering the surface.

She took a deep breath and reached for the box, then hesitated. Her chest was tight and her throat was dry. Tears threatened to leak from her eyes as panic fluttered around her stomach in a million butterflies. Her mind was racing with the possibilities in the jewelry box. It whispered of the heartache and disappointment she would feel if she found paper clips and Q-tips.

"It is only a silly box," the thoughts said snidely.

"There was never any magic," the thoughts whispered.

"You were childish to think that anything worth wanting would be in there," the deepest part of her mind snarled as her stomach twisted into chains of knots.

"This is ridiculous!" Isla told herself, shaking her head. Her hair flew around her face as she tried to shake the thoughts clear out of her brain. "Listen, you," she told herself sternly. "You're going to open the dresser and it's going to be wonderful. It's going to be everything you dreamed."

Before the voices inside her could argue back, she took a deep breath and jammed the golden key into the tiny lock on the front doors of the chest. She twisted her hand and shoved against the light wooden doors.

They wouldn't open.

Tears sprang to her eyes and the voices in her mind cackled with glee.

"It's the wrong key!"

"Ooh, so exciting!"

"You've been watching too many movies."

Biting her lip and gritting her teeth, Isla snarled and jammed her palm into the key. The key slammed into the lock and the doors popped open with a loud crack. As dust exploded into the air, the doors swang open silently. Isla coughed and fanned the air, creeping closer to the jewelery chest.

Gasping, she saw a tiny light glowing within the velvet-covered interior. A ballerina stood in front of a mirror hanging on the back panel. Underneath her toes lay four drawers. A ruby necklace hung from one door, a emerald one from the other. The jewels sparkled in the soft light of the nightstand. With her fingers trembling, she reached toward the ruby necklace and stroked the center stone. It was cold and hard against her fingertip.

"It's real, you know."

Isla whirled around. There was no one there. She peeked out the door and saw her grandmother was in the kitchen, washing dishes. Glancing back around, she crept towards the jewelery box again. Leaning down, she began to open the first drawer.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Isla looked up and gasped. The tiny ballerina was staring at her, with one leg extended in a never-ending arabesque.

"Are you talking to me?" Isla stuttered.

"You're the only one here, aren't you?" the ballerina said, flicking an imaginary hair out of her eyes with her outstretched arm. "While you're here, would you mind pressing that button?" She pointed to a black circle on the base of the dresser. Isla pushed it and a creaky music box began to play the strained strands of Tchaikovsky.

"Ahh, that's much better," the ballerina sighed as she slowly turned around and around. "I haven't been able to dance in years." She lowered her leg and pirouetted across the music box.

Blinking, Isla stared at her. "You're real?"

"Of course," the ballerina replied, leaping from one side of the box to the other. "You were wishing the box would be enchanted, were you not?"

Isla blushed and stammered, "Well, yes, but I didn't really expect..."

"Then don't wish for something you don't want!" the ballerina said in a practical tone as she practiced her steps.

Letting her thick frizzy hair cover her pink cheeks, Isla reached again for the top drawer. The ballerina stopped her dance and shook her head.

"I wouldn't do that," she warned.

"Why not?" Isla kept her hand on the drawer.

"Ok, fine," the ballerina said with a heavy sigh. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."

Crinkling her eyes together, Isla pulled the drawer open. A tiny jeweled humming bird pin with ruby eyes, a golden chest and Sapphire wings flew out. Isla flew back with a shriek as it buzzed around her head.

"Stupid bird!" several voices cried. A platinum charm bracelet with jeweled critters crawled out of the box as well. Isla watched in fascination as a jade crocodile tried to go towards the topaz giraffes, while a ruby horse tried to run from an onyx panther. A pearl dolphin cackled and clapped his flippers as a rose quartz flamingo pouted.

"I was eating," he whined.

"Holy carp and salmon!" Isla shouted as a Victorian beauty on a cameo began to sing opera and two pictures, each in one half of the same locket, began to argue with each other. "What is all this? What is going on?"

The ballerina looked up at her and smiled. "Happy birthday, Isla. Welcome to the world of the Enchanted Jewels. We've been expecting you."

The Enchanted Jewels

She had always wondered what was in the box.

Well, technically, it wasn't a box, she thought, peering into the crack of light that slipped past the door of her grandmother's room. It was a jewelery case, almost like a miniature dresser or wardrobe.

Isla had spent many hours staring at the case, running her fingers over the delicate golden wire that scrolled along the top, entwined with roses and tiny jewels that shimmered in the soft glow of the lamp from the nightstand. She had brushed against the three drawers and the two large doors in the front, but had never opened them. She was too afraid to even dare.

The rumors were that the box was enchanted. Some argued that the jewels hidden in the box were enchanted, not the box itself. But it didn't matter. No one except her grandmother touched the box. After all, she was Fiona, the rumored duchess of a land forgotten by everyone except the elderly. While others bowed at her in the grocery store or stopped in their tracks at the post office, Isla treated her like any other adult. After all, she was her grandmother.

But the box, the box was something different. The exterior shone with an ebony glaze and was etched with swirls and painted roses. In the middle of each flower shone a different jewel, accented by the sheen of the golden lion's feet that propped it up on her grandmother's dresser. Many would have noticed the paint peeling in the left corner or the brassy look of the scroll across the top. But Isla never did. To her, it was perfect. It was so perfect she couldn't even dare to open it for fear that she would ruin the mystery. What if the box contained hearing aids or earrings? Or worse--pantyhose and dentures! No, no, Isla thought, I can't open it. So she just stared at it longingly from afar, always wondering what lay inside.


But on her thirteenth birthday, everything changed.

Not only did Isla suddenly become gawky, with her elbows and knees flailing at every step and knocking into every corner. Not only did her curly hair turn into a ball of frizz and her baby teeth into a crooked jangle that required the attention of braces.

But she was given a key.

As was customary on her birthday, Isla headed to her grandmother's after school instead of her house. She always enjoyed these special birthday visits without her mother and three younger sisters. It was the only good thing about being the oldest and only non-multiple in the house. As much as she loved her younger sisters, living with triplets was exhausting. Clomping her way up the sidewalk, Isla jabbed her finger into the doorbell. She tapped her toes across the cement porch as she waited.

The door creaked open. Her grandmother's lean and elegant form was visible in the dim light of the hallway.

"Isla, my dear," she cooed in her soft, low voice. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks, Grandma Fiona." Isla flashed a mouth full of metal. Her grandmother escorted her inside, taking off her coat and steering her away from the display of crystal dishes. Another thing Isla had lost at thirteen was her balance and grace.

"So how has your birthday been going?" her grandmother asked, gesturing to the kitchen table. It was covered with a lace tablecloth and small plate of cookies. Isla poured herself a glass of milk and plopped into the wooden chair. Her grandmother winced as the chair creaked loudly.

"It's all right, I guess," Isla sighed, spewing crumbs all over the lace tablecloth. Her cheeks flooded with red and she pawed at the crumbs. All she did was smear chocolate into the delicate lace. Leaning back and holding her hands in her lap, she stuffed another cookie into her mouth. "I mean, I got some cool stuff and everything. But, I just, I don't know."

She stole a look at her grandmother and grabbed another cookie. Her grandmother said nothing, holding her tea cup in one hand and a uneaten cookie in another.

"Grandma," Isla ventured, looking down at the chocolate smears on the tablecloth. "Are you a duchess?"

Instead of laughing, her grandmother stayed silent. Isla glanced up. Her grandmother's face was smooth and cool. "Where did you hear that?"

"Just...around," Isla murmured, biting her lip. "The ladies at church and Mrs. Pembrooke..."

"Mrs. Pembrooke has always been too nosy for her own good," her grandmother muttered. "Why do you ask, dear?"

Isla took a deep breath and wrapped her fingers nervously around the arm of the chair. The words poured out in a rush. "Because if you're a duchess then that means that the jewelery box in your room must really be magic and everyone says that the jewels are enchanted and if they're enchanted then imagine what they could do and imagine the stories..."

Her grandmother began to giggle. Isla's mouth dropped open. Her grandmother was regal, polite and even rigid at times. She never giggled.

"I'm sorry dear," Grandmother Fiona said, snorting as she laughed. "It's just--you remind me so much of someone I knew..." Her shoulders still shaking with repressed mirth, she stood and walked into the kitchen. Isla heard silverware jingling and drawers opening and shutting. Her grandmother returned and handed her a small velvet box. Isla ran her fingers over the soft velvet and looked up.

"Go on," her grandmother said. "Open it."

Biting her lip, Isla cracked open the box slowly. A tiny golden key lay on a bed of bright blue velvet. Isla gasped as her grandmother nodded.

"I always believed that one should find out the answers themselves," she said, a wicked smile playing at the corners of her lips. "So go on, my dear. Consider this my birthday gift to you."

Isla looked at the key lying on the velvet. As her heart began to beat faster, she picked it up and turned toward the door of her grandmother's room. She could see the jewelery box waiting on the dresser...

She had always wondered what was in the box.


To be continued...

Calzones and Cupcakes

There is nothing better than lunch and a chick flick with a girlfriend.



I take that back. There's nothing better than lunch of calzones, a cupcake and a chick flick with your girl friend.


Saturday, my dearest buddy Libby drove to the Pond from her part of town. She met me at Rome's Pizza, a great local pizzeria.



Where we both ordered these: puffy calzones stuffed with ricotta cheese, ham, mozzarella and pepperoni dipped in rich spaghetti sauce.



Since pizza is one of Ben's favorite treats, he joined us and ordered himself a pepperoni pizza.

Happy and full of cheese and meat and bread, we waddled over the to theater to see House Bunny.

But, we got a bit distracted.


You see, we found a cupcake shop with pink chairs and stuffed with adorable little trinkets and treats to eat.


And honestly, how can you resist a Confetti cupcake with rainbow icing? I mean, come on people, it's pink! And it has sprinkles inside. Pink! Sprinkles! Rainbows! Cupcakes!



Well, it was a cupcake. Now it's a fond memory.



While I inhaled my cupcake, Libby took her time to savor hers: a chocolate "peanut butter cup" cupcake.


She thought it was tasty.


Delirious on a calzone and cupcake high, we stumbled back to the theater. For anyone that hasn't seen it, House Bunny is hilarious. It can't compare to Legally Blond, of course. No one can top Elle Woods! But it was cute.

After the movie, we went back to my house so Libby could see the Babies. She had not seen them since they were six weeks old.


Unfortunately, instead of being the little angels they normally are, they barked. And screamed like banshees. And shivered and trembled and rolled over and acted like Libby was a fire-breathing beast.

I could make excuses about how they just woke up and Ben and I aren't social and they're just skittish.

But really, I just don't think Bitty could handle the competition. While Libby might be the Queen of Fabulousness, Bitty is the Queen of the Pond.

And how could Libby fight that? At least she got a cupcake.

I am brilliant

Well, at least the brilliant Bunny from Bunny's Warm Oven thinks I am! Bunny was kind and generous enough to honor me with this wonderful award. I drool over her lovely baked treats every day and am thrilled she stops by the Pond often. In return, I'll do the right thing and pass it on.

The rules are:

1. Put the logo on your blog

2. Add a link to the person who has awarded you

3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs

4. Add links to those blogs on yours and

5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

So without further ado, I award the Brilliante Weblog Award to...(Grace and the Noble Pig, I would have awarded you but Bunny saved me the trouble!)

1) Marie at A Year to Oak Cottage. Marie is one of my best buddies. She has to get this!

2) Prudy at Prudence Pennywise. Not only is she as cheap as me, but she's hilarious, creative and a wonderful lady! I adore visiting her blog and wiggling to that "Bake a cake" song! One of these days, I'm going to invite myself over for supper and never leave.

3) Lore at Culinarty by Lore. Anyone who can make celery and cheese look divine is brilliant. Lore works it! She's also on my planned dinner invasion list. Best start running now!

4) Kelly at Sass and Veracity. From her sarcastic pictures to her drool-worthy creations, she accompanies every dish with a fun story.

5) Marjie at Modern Day Ozzie and Harriet. Yummy bread, sewing, wrangling nine children and a dog named Thor....she's superwoman! (With really tasty recipes.)

6) Jenjen at Tater Tots and Jello. Not only is Jenjen is always sweet and supportive, but she comes up with phenomenal crafts! I love never knowing what I'll see when I pop over to her page...

And last, but certainly not least....

7) Clumbsy Cookie! She's a fabulous baker that comes up with the most whimsical creations (Fig week, anyone?)

So ladies, congratulations! You are all brilliant and I love reading your blogs! And thanks Bunny, for the wonderful award!

Miss Pickles has everything in her purse

As promised, dear Invisible Friends, here is Marie's choice for a Friday post! As the winner of the Culinary Artist Appreciation Day contest, she requested another installment of Miss Pickles. Not only that, but she drew the lovely illustration you see before you! Like what you see? Visit her Etsy shop for more artwork like it! For more information, visit her blog at A Year From Oak Cottage. And now, without further ado.....


Mason's body twisted in the air as he pummeled to the lava below. The heat scorched his back and sweat dripped off his body. He screamed when he heard the sizzle as the drops plopped into the red mass below.

"Miss Pickles!" he screamed, clawing at the air above him. The worried faces of his classmates and Jasper grew farther and farther away. "Miss Pickles! Jasper! Someone please help me!"

Someone shouted down to him, but only the rushing air roared in his ears. Suddenly, black powder filled the air. Mason squeezed his eyes shut and closed his mouth as it sprinkled over him. The heat was painful now. He could feel his skin blazing and felt blisters form on his fingers and toes. The hiss of the lava grew closer and louder. In a moment, it would all be over. Keeping his eyes shut tight, he clamped his hands over his face and hoped it would be fast.

Then he smacked onto something hard and bounced into the air.

Mason's eyes flew open as his feet flipped towards the sky. The river of lava was now black and solid. Screaming, he threw his arms over his face and cringed. The ground was inches from his face. With a thud, he smacked against the warm black, spongy surface and was flung back into the sky. As his body twisted in mid-air, Mason stared at the former river of lava. It felt strangely familiar. Forcing his feet over his head, he braced himself for the impact as he dropped down. Once again, the second his feet touched the black surface he bounced into the air.

"It's rubber!" he cried. "It's like a trampoline!" Whopping with glee, he leaped off the surface and punched the air.

"Isn't it great?" Mason turned to see Ralph and Don bouncing next to him. Jasper and Miss Pickles had floated down with a enormous pink parachute. His classmates were leaping into the air and trying to imitate the slow-action flying moves they had seen in the movies.

"It's fantastic!" Mason beamed. "I thought I was going to be frying like bacon! What happened?"

"Bacon..." Ralph's eyes glazed over. "I love bacon." A trickle of drool ran down his chin.

"Miss Pickles sprinkled some kind of powder over the lava," Don said, answering his question. "Right before you hit the surface it turned black and you just bounced into the air!"

"It really was wonderful, duckie," Miss Pickles said, bouncing towards them on her pogo stick. "I'm so glad it worked. I've had that powder in my purse a long time. You never know when you'll need E-Z Rubber, no sir!"

"Thank you so much," Mason said, relief spreading across his face. "I really appreciate it."

"Any time duckie," Miss Pickles said, patting him on the head in between bounces on her pogo stick. "What fun is an adventure without a little danger?"

"If the ground is essentially a trampoline, then why are you still on your pogo stick?" Don asked, scratching his head as she circled around them.

"Because, duckie, you can never have too much bouncing in life," Miss Pickles said simply. Don looked even more puzzled and she laughed at his expression. As Ralph inquired about the culinary hidden treasures of Miss Pickles' bag, Mason looked around. The formerly lava river snaked through high stone cliffs and dropped off behind them. There were only two ways out of here, and Mason knew he didn't want to go down. Before he could talk to Miss Pickles about it, he was distracted by a flashing green light. Jasper was flailing his curved arms in the air and hopping up and down in excitement at the other end of the rubber river.

"Who wants to play tag?" he bellowed.

"I do, I do!" the children cried, rushing towards him. Mason promptly forgot about his escape plans and trailed behind him, dragging Ralph and Don with him. Miss Pickles remained where she was, a worried look spreading across her face as she bounced up and down on her pogo stick.

"Jasper," she called, "I don't think this is a good idea!"

"Oh bother," Jasper shouted back at her as the children hopped around his feet. "You're the one that always wants an adventure."

"Yes, but"--

"Who wants to be it?" Jasper asked the children, ignoring Miss Pickles' concern.

"I will!" Beatrice raised her hand with a prim smirk on her face. The other children groaned. Even on an adventure, Beatrice had to be a show-off.

"So be it!" Jasper shouted. "I'll even give you a ten second head start. One, two, three, go!" Beatrice dashed toward Miss Pickles. The other children followed, giggling as they tried to run after her. With every step, they flew into the air only to smack down again. As they hobbled towards Beatrice, Jasper counted to ten behind them. "One, two, three..." he cried, his voice echoing between the tall cliffs.

"We look like a bunch of kangaroos!" Mason laughed. He sprung into the air, reaching out to grab Beatrice's pigtails. He loved to play tag.

"This is incredibly dangerous," Don said, giggling as a little girl flew over his head. "I saw her underwear," he informed his friends proudly.

"You know, all this bouncing makes me hungry," Ralph said, rubbing his large stomach as he bolted into the air. "Where did I put my pies at?" He looked around and licked his lips. "I'm in the mood for apple pie right now. And my mom may have packed me some biscuits. I love biscuits."

"Six, seven, eight, nine, ten! That was ten seconds! Here I come!" Jasper whooped with joy as he barreled towards them.

"No, Jasper, wait!" Miss Pickles cried as Beatrice hid behind her. "Don't!"

It was too late. Jasper rushed towards them, his lips stretched wide in a smile. The second his foot pounded into the rubber, the black surface bowed in the middle. Miss Pickles, the children, Jasper and Ralph's apple pie were flicked into the air off the edge of the cliff.

"Opps!" Jasper cried, plucking children to him as they descended. Mason looked down and grinned.

"It's like a slide," he shouted, pointing to the black rubber that stretched from the edge of the cliff to the ground. "It must have been a waterfall of lava!"

"Hang on, duckies!" Miss Pickles whooped. She slid on her aviator glasses and grasped the handle bars of her pogo stick. Ralph snatched his pie up and clutched it to his chest, cooing comforting sentiments. Don was yelling about injury lawsuits, but no one paid attention. The slick black rubber draped between cliffs was fast approaching. Mason grimaced as he watched the black surface rushing toward him. "What comes up..." he began.

The group pounded into the rubber slid down, shrieking with delight as they flew down the slick surface. They smacked into the soft dirt at the bottom one by one, like rain drops hitting the earth. Mason grunted as he hit the ground.

"..Must come down," he finished as Don and Ralph landed next to him. He stood up and turned to his right as he stretched. Gasping, his mouth dropped in awe.

"I told you not to do that, duckie," Miss Pickles chirped to Jasper, brushing off her pink dress as she stood. "You almost bent my pogo stick!"

"I'm sorry," Jasper said, hanging his head. The green laser flickered across Miss Pickles' pink shoes. "I always wanted to play tag. People don't play it down here. They're too busy digging."

"No harm, duckie," Miss Pickles said, giving his curved scythe-like hands a friendly pat. She turned around and her eyes widened. "Oh my."

Everyone turned to look what Mason had already seen.

They were standing on the banks of an ocean of lava. White birds streaked across the sky, their wings gleaming with pure light and shimmering with deep blues and brilliant reds. Black boats carved thick rock floated across the surface of the molten sea as red pixie like creatures peered at them. Their eyes were yellow and a single flame flickered from their head, like a living candle. On the cliffs behind them, other creatures scurried about with strange animals that looked like--were those dinosaurs? Mason beamed, barely able to contain his joy at the sight. Ralph took a nervous bite of his pie.


"Now, this is an adventure," Mason breathed. Miss Pickles just smiled.

Get your biscuits in the oven and your buns in the...

We've talked about nachos....





We've talked about meat pies....






We've drooled over quiche...




Composed odes of joy to French Toast...wait a minute...that's another post.




And although I haven't penned a sonnet about them in quite awhile, we can't forget my all-time favorite: waffles.



But today, it's all about the biscuits.



Homemade, tasty, fresh out of the oven, still warm biscuits.




You see, biscuits have a special place in my heart. Not only are they tasty, but they remind me of back to school and mornings before hitting the lake in my parents' boat. Well, I may not get to go on the boat as much as I'd like. I might not to get to sit in a new classroom with nervous anticipation and new people surrounding me....




But I can eat some biscuits! Hot, tasty biscuits!



Excuse me. I've got a date with some biscuits and a tub of butter.

Queen Bitty addresses her people

My dear loyal subjects of the Pond:


It has come to my attention that you have not been paying attention to my decrees. Since I am a generous and forgiving queen (sometimes), I will repeat my instructions.





Do you like my new crown? The Blond Duck's mother made it for me. She is one of my most loyal and dedicated servants. I shall allow her to carry me around and make me a pink velvet cape with rhinestones.




Bear can't have a crown. He's not cute enough. I'm the Queen here, people!




You can even see it shimmering from far away. Am I not cute? I'm the cutest Queen there ever was!

Now for my laws:

1) All chew sticks being nibbled on by other dogs in the Pond (Bear) must immediately be given to me. I may not chew on them. I may not look at them. I probably don't even want them. But I must have them. Why? Because I'm the Queen!

2) I tire of walking all the time. I require the Blond Duck to quit her job and carry me to interesting smells all over the city. I refuse to get my paws or nose wet.

3) The Blond Duck is required to give me her dinner. She can eat mine.


4) Ben must let me sleep on his soft belly every night. Bear is not allowed anywhere near me during this time. He smells and wuffles and snorts.

5) I require five new toys every day. I may not play with them. I may not chew on them. I may even rub my butt on them in disdain. But I still want new toys. I require amusement at all times.

6) You there. Invisible Friend. Yes, you. The one that cooks. Make me a cake. A delicious cake just for me. I want it to be pink. With sprinkles. And cheese. I love cheese. What are you staring at? Start baking!

7) From now on, all subjects must pay me in treats to adore me from afar. I'm so worth it.

8) I refuse to let the Blond Duck give me baths anymore. I despise being wet and scraggly like some over sized gerbil. If she wants a bath, she can take her own.

9) All bacon is property of Queen Bitty. Any subject caught eating it without sharing is subject to death by licking.

10) Fear me.


That is all.

-Queen Bitty of the Pond